Update Nov. 11th, 2009...
Tour drags on...finally done with the Lamb of God section...just trying to stay out of trouble and keep up with getting all of this work done for my fine patrons. Here's the two latest! You can also keep up with me on Facebook...check it out here
On the road, autumn-winter 2009
...Busy, busy, busy...dealing with this tour and trying to get all of my art projects done by the end of the year, or when I get to your town, whatever comes last! Above this are four detail shots from brand-new Brockie art pieces, all bought by loving and loyal supporters of my work...I thank you deeply. So check out the new art and also check out the brand new Dave Brockie has a snowboard page!
Look at this guy! Now that is a back tat! Don't even show me yours unless its as big as this one. No, really, I am always blown away when I see GWAR fans with our art on their skin...but this one really goes above and beyond. Good job!
To say I'm busy right now is to...say...I'm busy right now! Check out this new art!
"Oderus vs. Jewcifer in the Bowels of Hell" pen and ink
"Imperial GWAR Eagle" pen and ink
My campaign of terror knows no bounds...check out my bi-monthly column at RVANews.com and my appearance on Fox News's "Red Eye", with host Greg Gutfeld...look for another Oderus appearance on June 22nd!
I am working my ass off trying to get all of your art done...so quit bugging me! You will get your shit! Back to the Pit, love you guys and can't wait for "Lust in Space" to hit the stores (such things exist?) on August 18th!
So, you want to own a genuine piece of Brockie art work? It's easy. Just have a good idea of what you want (to spend) and email me at email@example.com . I work with all budgets so don't worry if you are poor. The payments are arranged on a half to get on the list and half when done basis, though we can split payments into several over any given time period. Shipping and insurance are not included. The only costume pieces I do are Oderus heads and hands, but if you want other GWAR costume pieces I can get you in touch with the right people. And just remember...everybody needs a Brockie on their wall!
New Death Piggy 45 Auction goin on right now! Click Here
Greetings freaks! Because you certainly are one if you have come this far. Congratulations are in order...for me! I am the proud graduate of American Family Fitness's Beginners Weight Training Class. See if you can find me. If you need a hint, I'm the only male in the class. Still stumped? I'm the one with a head the size of a pumpkin!
This isn't quite what I meant when I said I wanted to “take it easy” to start with! But I made a lot of new friends, especially the wonderful Shirley, the lady in red. If these nice ladies only knew what I did for a living.
I have begun to transcribe the story of my life...to me. “GWAR, Me, and the Onrushing Grip of Death” is my new web column, which you can find at www.RVANews.com . 45 years in the making, this sordid tale is sure to be remembered as one of the naughtiest of all time. I am going to open the pumps that are jamming up the cauldrons of my mind and let the shit come spewing out...so people, get ready for seriously sick stuff. A lot of you are gonna be in it! I'm gonna post excerpts every two weeks and at the end of the project publish the entire thing as a book...hell yeah!
There is a new Death Piggy auction! The latest batch are the best yet, so get yours before they are all gone. Check the new Piggy's on the Piggy Page, and get your bids in, RIGHT HERE!
Finally here is some new work up on the “Money For Art” page, two sweet pieces, “Myself as Ghoul” going out to Chris Stoudt in Philly and “Frenchy Steals the Human Child” going to the amazingly talented (and patient) Tyson Summer of Dallas, Tx.! Don't worry Dave and Troy and Chris and Mike and Chris and Nick and Brendan and the several thousand others who have waited patiently for in some cases several months. Your work will get done, and it will kick ass.
March 15th Update to the update!
**Click here for Death Piggy 45 Auction**
Here is the collage I did in Picasa from January's update, repeated because now it is big enough that you have a chance to actually see what the hell is going on. And more importantly see where I hid the picture of my penis!
(If that's not big enough click here for a ridiculously large view)
March 1st, 2009, I just realized I haven't really named this place, huh? Greetings kiddies, lots going on as usual. I have to withhold an official announcement of what GWAR is going to be up to this year and next (thats right, the 25th Anniversary of GWAR celebration will be TWO years long!), because we are still putting the finishing touches on the colossal proclamation that will dictate your every action over the next two years (starting whenever we feel like it, but soon!). Right? It is wonderful to be off the road for a while, but that doesn't mean I am being lazy! Far from, check out my newest, sickest piece...no, I'm not a Nazi, but the Whargoul was, for a while...this is the first painting of the Whargoul in years, I enjoyed doing it very much for Tim in Denver.
Acrylic on Canvas
After I was done with that, I went and sucked off an Ent!
I can't say enough about how amazing the “Electile Dysfunction Tour 2008” was. The fans, the slaves, the opening bands (Kingdom of Sorrow and Toxic Holocaust)...well it was just an incredible experience. I made a lot of new friends and finally got to work with known thug and pimp Jamey Jasta. Jamey is so cool, he gets laid more than I do. But thats not saying much! And he filled in as the dreaded cave troll Bonesnapper, on a couple of shows Bob couldn't make because of a family emergency. Check it out!
JASTA AND ODERUS “YUCK IT UP” BACKSTAGE ON THE “DYSFUNCTION” TOUR
Kinda looks like my little brother, huh? You just can't keep the Irish down...or maybe he's German. Ahhh shit I don't know...all I know is that JASTA RULES!
Hey, I finally got my article on Richmond published...not in the magazine, unfortunatley, on the Metal Hammer website. Check it out HERE
There are updates on the “Money For Art” and “Stupid” page...and a brand new page..the “Piggy Page”. A couple of years ago I discovered an old box of Death Piggy 45's, so I have been decorating the covers and then selling them on the internet and at shows. Well, I finally decided to try to keep a record of them...some of the designs are pretty cool. This page will post scans of the sold records, and provide info on the current or upcoming auctions! Wow! That's all for now, stay tuned for more!
And remember, I am always available for comissioned art. Send me an email at firstname.lastname@example.org. Business only please!
2008-YEAR OF KOOKY THINGS
January 16th, 2009...In Ye Olde Richmonde Towne. Welcome once again to the site that never ends! Just when you think I have abandoned this thing once and for all, yet another update appears. I simply can't let this thing die. Because if it does, I will! This thing has been up for fucking nine years now. And as long as this site is getting updated it means that I am still alive. So, in order to live forever logic dictates that I must continue to update this site! And think you not that this skew of logic doth not apply to you, it do! For as long as you continue to follow and support this site, you will be alive. We'll live together, forever...(theme from “Highlander” playing in the background).
Wowsers! Welcome to 2009 fans and friends, both and neither. Lets not waste time with meaningless apologies and mumbled excuses. There are plenty of other, far more pleasurable ways to waste time. Like for instance, peruse the “Money For Art” page and gaze upon my latest mess-terpieces. Thats right, I delivered more than a couple overdue commissions on this go-round, and if I didn't get to all of you, at least you have the satisfaction of knowing that maybe, one day I will...my humble thanks to my patrons and supporters. You have enabled me to avoid the mindless horror that my life would be if I had your job (unless you are Bono). So continue your avid voyeurism of my life, and don't forget to send me money, so I may continue to spew forth the shit you crave. And enjoy this site's first new page in years...that's right, check out the “Metal Has Replaced Slavery” page, where I deliver my stunning take on the Richmond heavy music scene. I wrote this piece for Metal Hammer, but you know how editors are...they want changes, they want revisions. And I don't. So I present this mass of grammatical horseshit for your consumption.
That's it for now! There are many balls rolling, and I must lick them all.
NEXT MONTH: GWAR schedule! New art! Death Piggy auction! And my first new article since the last one. Prepare yourself, my beautiful bohabs, it's gonna be a hell of a year...
Wednesday, September 03, 2008—Yambo Towers—
Well hullo there kiddies! And what a fugging month it has been. We are moving ever closer to making a bid on the new Slave Pit. That’s right, ever since we got bounced out of the classic Chamberlayne Ave. address, we have been working out of a segmented Slave Pit. The merch. At Brads, the band space at Corey’s, the shop on Hull St., etc. etc. etc….this was out of necessity and design. The staying power of GWAR has surprised everybody, or we would have bought a building years ago. But as it turned out about five years ago we started getting our shit together. Now we have had the money for a while, but no building seemed suitable…until now…
I just had an attack of the heebie-jeebies! If I put up a picture of the place before we seal the deal I will jinx it. So you’ll have to be content with this piece of graffiti from the back of the place. I’ll give you more of a scoop next update, cuz I’ll know a lot more by then. Just keep those scabby fingers crossed.
I tried to make the Bohab Bash but blew out a tire on the highway on the way down. Three hours and two hundred bucks later, I said fuck it! But I tried Bohab’s, I tried!
NEW DEATH PIGGY AUCTION!
There is a new Death Piggy auction. The last one went for 140.00 so I was pretty happy. There are only a few of these left so get them while you can! The art is really nice and they are bound to increase in value. Check it out at…
Click Here for the eBay Auction!
This isn’t your usual update. I have been writing quite a bit lately so I thought I’d share a little. The first bit is the opening several paragraphs I did for my first ever feature in Metal Hammer. The second is a little piece I wrote about Metallica for something that Metal Blade is up to. Enjoy! That’s it for now, big update on the GWAR page really soon!
RICHMOND, VIRGINIA--METALLIC PROVING GROUND
By David Brockie
Greetings, metal-mongers, from the conquered capitol of the Confederacy, Richmond, Va., as far north as south gets in the good ole’ U.S.A. Called by many a cultural morass in the midst of a sea of mediocrity, this may be true! But on the throbbing underbelly of this oft-burned locale, past the buried ghost train inside Church Hill, beneath the skeletal remains the 20,000 rebel dead in Hollywood Cemetery (one of this countries craziest necro-plazas), there is a vital and powerful music underworld—a place where metallic titans stride the earth, spitting bullets and breathing flame! Or at least they rock really hard.
Or, in other words, the slightly backwards, perpetually sleepy southern town of Richmond, Virginia, USA, is home to some of the heaviest and most successful bands in the hard and heavy music underground, all of whom sprang from their humble roots to rise to an international level. Shock metal gods GWAR, punk poets AVAIL, thrash metal kings MUNICIPAL WASTE, and current scene lords, fucking LAMB OF GOD, all sprung from and prospered on the fertile loam that is the Richmond, Va. music scene. One might think it more likely to find this group of elite misfits originating from a more cosmopolitan metropolis like San Francisco or New York, but you’d be WRONG! Because it is Richmond, Va., population 200,000 (soaking wet), that is home to this amazing collection of musicians, an un-recognized Mecca of metal deserved of closer inspection and perhaps even a cookie.
A word of introduction from yours truly is in order, as my story mirrors that of many of my peers, and besides that I just love talking about myself. I came to Richmond in a desperate escape from the confines of a typical suburban existence, longing for the “Animal House” -like life style that I assumed college was all about. I had spent several years in the slam pits of D.C., watching and participating in the birth and rise of hardcore (that’s right, I’m fucking old), but had succeeded in little more than earning the wrath of Ian MacKaye and his crew of “straight-edge” punks, who used to beat me up because I was slam dancing “the wrong way”. Indeed, my first attempt at a band, “Nuclear Dog Shit”, had been an unparalleled failure. So when I arrived in Richmond, Va. I was delighted to discover a crumbling, decrepit, decadent and dangerous place, chocked full of slobbering bums, aggressive transsexuals, and a vibrant musical community which grudgingly accepted me and my idiotic attempts at this thing called “music”. My first band, the notorious “Death Piggy”, earned a reputation as one of the stupidest ever, staging epic pie-fights, pouring mayonnaise down our pants, and vandalizing any public surface with our infamous “Piggy” moniker. With our motto, “Smile or Die”, we blazed a bumpy path into local music history, and eventually began to grow and mutate with alarming force until we had formed into one of the most notorious bands in hard rock history…the mighty GWAR.
Chris Bopst, local radio personality and a founding member of GWAR, arrived in Richmond for similar reasons.
“D.C. was full of dicks”, said Bopst, “I went to Richmond to escape their pompous attitudes and go to art school.” The school Bopst refers to is Virginia Commonwealth University, a reputable and affordable institution that became a cultural magnet for creative malcontents from all over the East Coast. What they found when they got here was the perfect breeding ground for art and music of all forms, and a local heavy music scene that was already well established. Seminal hardcore bands like White Cross were already touring nationally, and as Crossover combined the best of hardcore and metal the Richmond scene became a crucible of music where bands were formed and discarded with astonishing rapidity.
CATCH THE REST OF THIS ARTICLE IN THE PAGES OF METAL HAMMER AT SOME POINT SOON!
Now, here’s my funny little Metallica ditty! This is a true story, only slightly elaborated!
HOW I ALMOST DIED FOR METALLICA
By Dave Brockie (a.k.a. Oderus Urungus)
The year was 1991. GWAR was just starting to get some attention and we were cool enough to get free passes to see Metallica at the Richmond Coliseum on the “Justice For All” tour. Opening was The Cult. Now, I was intensely hardcore about my love for heavy music (still am!), and really liked both bands (well, I loved Metallica, The Cult was just okay). But when the Cult played, they fucking sucked! Lead singer Ian Astbury was drunk as shit and spent most of the set rolling around on the stage, oblivious to what song it was and generally acting like a complete tool. No biggie, because Metallica came out and fucking smoked the place.
A couple of weeks later I was in New York meeting with Don Mueller from Triad booking. It was a pretty important step for us—Triad was a very cool booking agency and to be represented by them marked a big step up for us. Don and his people suggested we meet at The China Club, a divey downtown rock club where—of all people—The Cult was playing. Cool! Maybe they would be better at their own headline show. The place wasn’t very full, and as soon as the band started, lead singer Ian “Ass”bury started going on about how they had just finished a Metallica tour that had “fucking sucked”. He kept it up, going on about how Metallica were a bunch of wankers and tried to lead the crowd in a “fuck Metallica” chant. I had heard enough. Lurching up from my table, I walked straight to the front of the stage, middle finger extended. The song came to an awkward end, and the band was confronted by me, birdie held high. The whole place heard me bellow at the top of my lungs (and I am a LOUD person)…
“Fuck Metallica? FUCK YOU, you English piece of SHIT!”
There was a moment of stunned silence, and then Ian lifted the mike stand and brought it down on my head with considerable force. My skull exploded with stars, blood gushed down my face, and a crew of burly security goons grabbed me and hustled me, none to gently, out of the room. But as they drove my head through the double doors that led to the loading dock, I heard Ian yell the words that have stayed with me ever since, and made me hate all fucking bullshit rock stars with a passion that has carried me through 24 years of GWAR…
“That’s why you’re down there, and I’m up here…”
I was hurled into the alley, rudely worked over, and was about to be thrown head first down a flight of concrete stairs, littered with broken glass, when Don Mueller came running out the door, screaming…
“Don’t kill him! He just got signed to Triad!” He knew that 10% was gonna be a healthy one.
Well they didn’t kill me. I still love Metallica, and Ian Ass-berry can kiss my fucking ass!
THAT’S IT FOR THIS UPDATE! STAY TUNED FOR MORE INPUT ON THIS SITE, EIGHT YEARS IN THE MAKING!!!!!
March 31, 2008, Slave Pit
Check it out! I am actually working at more than a snail' s pace! This latest Brockie squiggle-fest goes out to Jay somewhere in the nations proud mid-section, commissioned by his delightful sister, Misty. I'll leave out the part where I tell you that she had to wait two years before I finally got around to finishing it....oh shit! Again I beg your forgiveness, but yer shit will get done!
And remember, I am ever at your service if you require a beautiful piece of collectable BROCKIE art for your wall, or album cover, or t-shirt, or to rub on yer genitals--my rates are reasonable as long as you don't mind waiting for your art, my work cannot be rushed...just occasionally prodded. But I am picking up steam so get your orders in NOW ! Just e-mail me at email@example.com
I'd like to thank everybody for their concern about my bent dick. I went to the Municipal Waste show the other night and everybody was asking about it. Well the news isn't good. In fact it appears to be getting worse. My dick has gone from a porpoise to the letter "c", just with balls. But the biggest question I got was "what the fuck is up with GWAR?" Well, all I can tell you is nothing. Not that nothing is up, just that I can't tell you what is. Because this entire year (with the exception of some limited touring) is going to be spent in the studio preparing for the 25th anniversary of GWAR and Slave Pit--preparing by producing the most colossal project in Slave Pit history! A project that shall make all previous efforts pale in comparison...in fact it will include all previous projects...confused yet? Well, so am I, but that's nothing new. Suffice to say that Slave Pit is rejecting the conventions of an obsolete music industry and re-forming ourselves and the way we present GWAR (and all of our numerous side projects) in a manner that shall cement with finality our reputation as the most dangerous, creative, cutting edge group of musical malcontents this side of Chuck Berry's piss-stream! And we're bringing you with us. So hang tight, and know that while you idly finger your remote box, somewhere legions of GWAR slaves are laboring without end to produce the greatest thing in GWAR history. Alright, enough hype, I actually am going back to work! Oh, but one more thing...
Every time I take a shit it's like my ass is vomiting a gallon of tadpoles. How can you flush something like that? They have eyes! New update and a wonderful new painting in only a week! And if I fail I publicly pledge to consume a gallon of my own tadpoles!
March 3rd, 2008
Before we get to the "meat" of the matter, the makers and attendants of Dave Brockie, and whatever roles he fulfills in any other capacity, have not at this time announced any intention of letting Brockie out of his cell to join up with Derks and Brad and do a bunch of DBX shows with GREEN JELLY. There have been reports of communication between Brockie and a member of the "GREEN" Jell-o...I mean whoops, JELLY inner circle, but this apparently has gone no further than a series of mewling, hissy noises. If there are any confirmations to the rumors that DBX will join up with Green Jelly for some, all, or none of G.J.'s summer tour, don't beleive it until you read it here!
Friday, February 29, 2008 The Smokehouse
Here's my latest, for the long-suffering Noah of Ca.! I can almost hear the hisses of my host of unsatisfied customers as they see someone else getting their shit. Take it as a good sign that I actually do knock one of these things out every now and then. But seriously folks...I know some people out there are not very happy at having to wait what is in some cases YEARS for a piece of my work. I won't waste your time with lame excuses. Suffice to say the situation got out of control--lotsa work, not enough time, etc... and my apologies...now I have whittled it down to about 15 or so pieces and with no GWAR tours in sight I am confident that I will be able to catch up with all this work once and for all, and make sad people happy, and then sad again, when they realize their painting is ALIVE....
Behold the majesty of Frenchy, also known as Prince Ray Pierre, patron demon of France and also all things naughty! My next, going to Misty almost done. Look for new work often as this brief respite from touring means hours of paintbrush pushing!And of course a considerable amount of time spent strapped to a gurney, screaming “I don’t want to die!”
And remember, I am ever at your service if you require a beautiful piece of collectable BROCKIE art for your wall, or album cover, or t-shirt, or to rub on yer genitals--my rates are reasonable as long as you don't mind waiting for your art, my work cannot be rushed...just occasionally prodded. But I am picking up steam so get your orders in NOW ! Just e-mail me at firstname.lastname@example.org
I type to you from my fourth home (named “The Smokehouse” due to its leaky chimney-I need to start leaving hams out) in as many years. I just moved in with Mike Derks. Why? Because I just don’t hang out with that guy enough! Now I know (if anybody is even still reading this) that you were getting spoiled by the profusion of updates that this site was enjoying during the first half of 2007—anyone who knows me realized long ago it was all a set-up to letdown. But who can fucking blame or even accuse GWAR or me (well o.k., me…) of being lazy! I mean, you saw our tour schedule last year—SICK. It doesn’t mean I worked hard it just means that it was sick. It was the most shows ever done by GWAR in the space of a year, and we made it without the normal explosion of intense hissy fits that a GWAR tour normally brings forth. So about a week into the Viva La Bam tour I just put my head down and hung on for dear life—a life which became a never-ending pastiche of slimy loincloth’s and mystery pilly fistfuls, a gurgling gallop of swilling liquor’s and unidentified bodily fluids! A year where “bagging it” was raised to a fine art, and grew in popularity until forgotten bags of fecal matter clogged the cabinet under the pisser. Why crap in a bucket when you can shit in a bag? Especially when you wake every morning to an exploding ass! I don’t know…but I know...but…
MY DICK IS BENT
Welcome back to the site that someone recently said looked like “it was made on free Netscape software about 15 years ago.” Well sir, that is precisely the look we was going for! So here it is, the site that shot a thousand Popes, now entering it’s 8th year of existence. I went back and checked out a bunch of old updates today. Boy am I fucked-up! A lot of those image files are fucked up too, plz fix that Scott! Yes, I know I don’t pay you! But you just got a new job, and I just lost mine! So get ready, cuz I have big plans for this site this year. Slower downloads, fewer updates, and ridiculously large picture files. Virus’s, spam, and social diseases, Trojan horses and naked, naked woman. Merely looking at this site will cause your name to be immediately inserted at the top of several lists of extremely naughty people who are continually monitored by the government, especially when they are in the bathroom! I mean when the government is in the bathroom. And that’s a big bathroom—and---
MY DICK IS BENT
So what else should I say about the second half of 2007? That it sucked? In many ways it did! All because Sean Taylor got shot! I know there were more than a few pass-receivers’ who drew a secret sigh of relief when #21 left the stadium. Never was there a more fun player to watch, especially if you enjoy seeing people get creamed. But things got better as the end of the never-ending tour got closer, and the Redskins ended up in the playoffs. Maybe the best thing to say about 2007 is nothing at all. Because the only good thing about it is that it’s over! But I won’t get off that easily. So more comment is in order-- I had a great time with my broken back, my spewing bag-ass, and the filthy feed-bag I strapped over my noggin’ nightly! What fun it was to be assaulted by wave after wave of foam-flecked strangers, only a few of which were willing to give me oral pleasure! How truly joyous it is to be old, cold, and lonely, possessing myriad bad habits and giving not one shit. In fact, nothing could be better, except for perhaps the fact that…
MY DICK IS BENT
O.k., let me get it off my chest…in hopes that sharing is caring and this will help me to overcome the trauma which has come into my life…or into my dick, or into my dicks life. It all started about 6 weeks into the fall/winter tour. I was having real trouble sleeping. I mean like it was BAD…I would hit the sack totally exhausted and then just lie there all night. This led to a zombie-like state of being in which life was but a dream. It really sucked. So finally I got an doctor’s appointment which led to a Ambien prescription, which led to sleepy times for old Dave. For a while, I was happy. Oh, how I laughed at the warnings about the product—“may cause sexual side-effects”…apparently the stuff can lead to you waking up in a strange bed, fucking your friend’s wife! And on a bus full of men, waking up with your dick in a weird hole could be quite a problem. But that didn’t happen…what I got was these titanic boners…boners so fucking hard that they hurt. They would wake me up from a sound sleep with their intensity, my proud, hard prick straining against the confines of my tighty-whiteys. But the Ambien made me so groggy that only rarely did I have the presence of mind to relieve the pressure on my straining rod by slipping the raging member out of my underwear. And when left in it’s gauzy lair, the cock pushed up and bent backwards, guided by the shape of the dick-bag. So my dick spent hour after hour doubled backwards, rock hard, and planning to stay that way. That’s right! After a couple weeks of this, I noticed that whenever I got a boner in the daytime, it would go into the shape that it assumed during my nocturnal stupor! Not overly concerned at first, I gradually became so as the aforementioned “bent dick syndrome” refused to go away. And that’s why I’m such a whining, miserable bastard. Now, almost two months after the tour’s completion, my dick is still bent. If it was uncircumcised then it would look like a fucking porpoise!
Wednesday, September 19, 2007…Sorry it took so damn long to update but yours truly has been on a little vacation – on my couch! I started the update a couple weeks ago and then quickly abandoned it. Then I finally woke up and realized that we had yet another tour coming up, so here’s a slightly out of whack update for this site!
Look! I joined Clutch!
Whew! Another one bites the dust. And I do mean dust, especially if you were at the Louisville SOTU Waverly Sanatorium show. That place certainly lived up to its fucked-up reputation as a locale where so many had festered in misery. It was formally a tuberculosis clinic where so many people were dying daily that it was necessary to lower the bodies down a shaft, out the hill and into a waiting hearse as to not alarm the patients.The place was abandoned and then partially re-opened as a haunted attraction. We managed to get a special tour of the place and I must say it managed to raise my hackles…honestly, I couldn’t wait to get out of the fucking place.
THE HALLS OF WAVERLY, WHERE THOUSANDS DIED…WELL, NOT IN THE HALL…
Desperate to use the place to make some money, and seeing that tuberculosis is easily treated, the management decided it would be a great idea to have a show on the site’s sprawling grounds. They assembled some of the coolest bands around, and the show was on. And it was a disaster! If you were there, I’m sorry! You are truly a metal warrior…in short about 7000 people showed up were they had planned for 3000. But even then it would have sucked. One of the cool things about being in GWAR is that still few people recognize me. So I had a chance to view the misery first-hand without getting too molested by swarms of adoring fans. First off the security was dicks. They insisted on searching everybody thoroughly. No problem there (just don’t be a fucking DICK) as long as you are staffed for it. And they weren’t. You had a few people searching EVERYBODY, as the line snaked down the hill, across the cracked black-top, completely bereft of an inch of shade…no water either, save a single pathetic garden hose that there was another huge line for. People began to fall out in heaps and soon several ambulances showed up. Some people waited in line for 3-4 hours! Once you finally got in it wasn’t much better…there were three beer trucks. T-shirt dudes were scalping beer’s for 10 bucks a shot. So this is a personal apology from GWAR to our loyal fans. We had no goddamn idea what we were getting into. In fact we were looking forward to the show as what we thought was bound to be the highlight of the tour.Anyway, it’s over, we survived, and it’s time for yet another tour.
On a totally different note, here’s a recipe for one of my favorite foods—the egg and anchovy burger!
Make a cheeseburger. Put an over-easy fried egg and a bunch of anchovies on it. Make sure you have a lot of napkins handy! Then eat it.
As usual, I continue to slog away at my mountain of unfinished commissions. Check out this album cover I did for my buddy Mr. Plow, whose album Oderus is making a guest appearance on. Love that Photoshop!
Click for larger image
Now it’s off on the road again with the Viva La Bands tour and then a final loop around the states to hit every single conceivable place we missed on the first three or four runs around the country. This has been the most touring we have done for any album in our long and dubious history. So we are wrapping it up by the end of the year and then begin our evil plans for whatever the fuck is coming next. So even if you’ve seen us eight times already on this tour, come on back for one last hurray and support us with your hard-earned cash and fanatical support so we can have a crack filled Christmas. Love ya guys, see ya soon, and HAIL GWAR!
Thursday, July 05, 2007, Dallas, Texas…and it begins! The Sounds of the Underground tour has started. Yes, that’s right the only summer tour that will have GWAR has finally made us the headlining act and it fucking rules! We are in Dallas doing a couple of days of pre-tour set-up, which means I have basically nothing to do. Nothing to do that is except sit around in the spacious HEADLINER dressing room with the giant T.V. enjoying the wireless network and the endless catering! But does that mean I become a lazy log? Why no! It’s the perfect chance to get caught up with this site and get cracking on my heap of unfinished commissions. I know, the same old song! Here’s a piece I did for a Mom as a gift for her son’s birthday. “Barf-Head” was executed in the break between tours. I also finished a couple of Oderus heads, but you know what they look like! Now on to these next million or so pieces I need to crank out. Hopefully on this tour. I didn’t get a hell of a lot of work done in Europe. That tour was hell. Sure we had fun but I fucked my back up a couple years ago and it came back with a vengeance. I spent most of the tour flat on my back, sniveling. Yes, that whole Euro-log was a lie! But I’m much better now, thank you very much, looking forward to playing shows at full strength in front of a crowd that numbers more than 30 people!
While I was on the break between the Euro-flail and the SOTU trip, I worked with my friend Dave to pick up a little extra cash and help him out. So for a few weeks I was doing the 9-5 thing, power-washing decks and houses. And when you are doing such things you have a tendency to fill your mind with all manner of minutia to pass the time. One day I decided to track just how many machines I used in a single day. Not just the ones that I used, but the ones that enabled those ones to work as well. Soon I went insane. The amount of technology required to maintain my humble existence was mind-boggling! How did the Geico caveman ever survive? So I abandoned that list, and re-formulated my list to only machines that I came in direct contact with. Using a machine more than once doesn’t count. So here we go.
1) My cell phone wakes me up. Right of the bat I have questions. Is a cell-phone a machine? Does a device have to have moving parts to be a machine? Better check…
O.K., a machine is defined as “A device consisting of fixed and moving parts that modifies mechanical energy and transmits it in a more useful form.” O.K. now that we know what a machine truly is, let us continue our pointless quest!
I will use the cell phone more than any other machine, to take and make calls, check the time, play that stupid golf game and send/get annoying text messages and pictures. By far my most-used device, but I can’t count it more than once!
2) Turn on light in bathroom
3) Flush toilet
4) Operate Mr. Coffee
5) Use stuff in the fridge
6) Check e-mail
7) Turn on TV with remote
8) Watch morning news show
9) Use lighter to smoke pot
10) Drive to work
11) Stop at Sev., use coffee machine
12) Pay for coffee at cash register
13) Put gas in car
14) Put money in toll booth
15) Listen to radio at work
16) Ride in truck
17) Turn on boom box at work
18) Use power washer
19) Stash lunch in refrigerator
At this point I start slowing down as the rest of the days events are basically re-uses of machines from earlier in the day. Until I get to the Slave Pit!
20) Use hot-glue gun
22) Heater in latex oven
23) Take Bong Hits! Yes, a bong is a machine!
I don’t stay too long cuz I’m ragged out from power washing in the hot sun all day. Wow, I guess that’s about it. And I thought this was gonna be a lot cooler. I guess I thought everything was gonna be a lot cooler. I mean about my whole life. Oh well, time to go home…
25) Use stove to make “Tuna Helper”
It really sucks that I have to work a regular job anyway. How depressing. And I can’t think of any more machines to use except…
25) Use gun to blow my brains out.
O.K., real quick before I bail, something rather disturbing happened right before I left on tour. I was down in my kitchen getting some food before work and a big ass fly was buzzing around the sink. I had just used the microwave and the door was still open. Imagine my relief when the fly flew right into the open door, which I quickly closed behind him. He was truly doomed! Gleefully I set the oven to five minutes and began to roast the fucker! After that I sat down to breakfast and forgot about the poor bastard until the timer bell chimed. I went over and opened the oven, ready to scrape fly-guts off the inside of my usually spotless microwave---and damned if that fucking fly didn’t cruise right out! Five minutes of intense microwave assault and no effect whatsoever!
Unfortunately this story is not over yet! When I returned home later in the day, that same fly was waiting for me in my lazy-boy! It had grown to over 400 pounds and hogged the remote all night! Looks like I have a new roommate. But it got worse. Turns out that this fly was a girl, and in love with me! And we started fucking! That’s it for now!
Hereford, Germany, April 14th, 2007. Welcome, dear reader, to yet another installment on the continuing chaos that is the 2007 GWAR Europe tour. It is I, Dave Brockie, your man in Europe, reporting on all things European to people who may not have had the pleasure of visiting or living here, or if they have then, umm...well, I hope you enjoy looking at this anyway. When we last left off, GWAR had journeyed through the ancient kingdoms of Britainnia and Francy-Pants, farting all the way. We then ventured through the wilds of Spain-land and then Italia. Finally we had a vision of civilization in Switzerland...man, those Alps are big! Thanks Rock for making our stay so enjoyable. Until he put me on the phone with H.R. Giger. Giger's first and only question..."Is the girl still in the band?" One day I'll re-tell the story of GWAR and Giger, but it was already covered in my old article, "Europe is Different" (Anybody got a copy?)...still, it was quite an honor speak with the man that Hollywood stole so much from. Even though I made an ass out of myself by continually mis-pronouncing his name. But I digress! After much restless campaigning, bringing GWAR to the un-enlightened masses (if you can call tens of people masses), we stood poised on the borders of the Fatherland.
It's impossible for me to visit Germany without continuously thinking about WW 2. After all, it was my parents war. Planes took off from this country, flew to England, and tried to kill them. And the payback was a real bitch. But the truth is you won't find much evidence of the war in Germany. German society is so well-off, so efficient, so damn comfortable...and so fucking friendly...it really makes it tough to believe that these same people are the descendents of those who followed Hitler into a genocidal war which would consume tens of millions of lives, just a little over a half century ago! Well, they do love GWAR, so maybe I do understand...so to Mellie and Marcus and Stephan and Roman and all of our other wonderful friends in Germany, it's O.K. We forgive you! Just don't do try it again.
What can I say? Everyday is another perfect club, another historic vista, another plate of schnitzel! And the local beer is always superb. The venues often have laundry and beds, and of course the showers are awesome! It's like this whole country really feels bad about something and is trying really hard to make up for it! So fuck the commentary, here's a bunch of pictures from our travels! Jeez, I really have to stop using so many exclamation points!
|Welcome to Deustchland. Here's the outside of the first venue, The Schlathaus. Like a lot of clubs here, at first it looks like a squat or abandoned building. A squad of gypsy caravans have formed a camp in the parking lot, and one of the tribe watches me shit behind a tree. But hidden inside is a top-notch facility, crammed with excellent P.A. gear, food and beer. Great load-ins (which I never attend), internet access, and did I mention tons (or liters) of great beer? Everything an old road-dog could ever desire...except perhaps for a trouble-free bowel system...and more than 72 pre-sold.|
|Lindau is a beautiful little town on the shores of Lake Constance, famed for it's swans. These beasts are mean so don't fuck with them. One of them almost bit my dick off. We enjoyed a very pleasant day here, wandering the streets and getting progressively more drunk. Euro's are easy to spend, so we ended this day at McDonalds. Big Mac's taste exactly the same way they do at home. Nothing else though!|
|Spatzle is an amazing potato-dumpling thingie that all kinds of crazy sauce can be put on. This happens to be beefy-onion variety. Enjoyed with a Weissebeir, guess what? It fucking rules! Too bad it turned to water inside of me.|
|Later, I took a shit (loosely termed) under this bridge.|
THE LEGEND OF BAGGER PANTS
You think I was kidding about not having a solid shit in weeks? I have been annointed with the name "Bagger Pants" because every morning I awake with the feeling of roiling guts and a moving bus...and nowhere to find relief except in a bag. That's right, I shit in it. Ahhh...the life of a semi-rock star, travelling the world, shitting in bags and then stashing them in various hidden spots on the bus, hoping that nobody will find them before the bus stops and I get a chance to hurl it out the door. The worst is when I think I have pulled off a "bagger" without anyone noticing, then open the door to the tiny urinal, bag in hand, to see Matt waiting on the other side. The look of pity and disgust...and I'm telling everybody about it! Maybe if I ate something other than cheese and meat, drank something other than coffee and beer. But it's so good over here you tend to forget about your vegetables. Everytime I go into the bus bathroom, bagging or not, a chorus of cackles rises from the lounge..."Bagger" is at it again! O.K., that's enough!
Back to work in Vienna, here at the famous Arena, a 30-year old establishment that has gone from it's humble roots as a punk squat to a multi-million dollar facility for cool music and fun times. It has also been the scene of many a completely drunken night of GWAR as we have played this place about a million times since we started coming to Europe...20 years ago! Notice the little stands to the left. One time our old tour manager (who will remain nameless) passed out behind these stalls and we didn't find him for half a day. And he had 30 grand on him at the time. Funny!
Finally we come to Berlin, last standing ground for the Nazi's! A city that really got the shit blown out of it. Despite the best efforts of many repair crews, the evidence of the final battle still remains, as the heavily-repaired facade of the Reichstag attests to. Early in the day we ventured forth, seeking that most fucked-up of places, the Fuhrerbunker! Where Hitler shot himself and was burned by his followers along with his new bride, Eva Braun. You know, it's been very difficult to find in the past, but what with Google Earth and lots of new research damned if locating the site these days wasn't a piece of of kuchen. In fact the German's have finally put up a plaque on the spot, which is nothing more than an open area between blocks of Soviet-era apartments. The ground is un-even and moist, and as I reflect on this spot, I am seized by a desire to commit an act that will truly define my feelings towards this place and the man who died here...
THE AUTHOR PISSING ON HITLER'S GRAVE
And with that I conclude another chapter in my Euro-Log (if only I could make one).
Next: Amsterdam Awaits!
And remember, even though on tour in Europe (and bringing home LOTS of finished stuff for you patient people who have not got their shit yet...), I am ever at your service if you require a beautiful piece of collectable BROCKIE art for your wall, or album cover, or t-shirt, or to rub on yer genitals--my rates are reasonable as long as you don't mind waiting for your art, my work cannot be rushed...just occasionally prodded. But I am picking up steam so get your orders in NOW ! Just e-mail me at email@example.com
Don't bother unless you have money for me! I mean it when I say business only! I updated the look of my "Art For Money" so check it out--it will be the primary storage page for my stuff. I'm working on commissions over here so be looking for your work when I get home!
That's it for now, time for my yogurt and nutella enema! More fun later!
March 29th, 2007, Weisbaden, Germany...Finally we arrive in the immaculate Schlathaus for the first of three weeks of shows in mostly Germany, but also featuring Austria, Hungary, Czech Republic and finally Holland. Like I said all Germany. Ha ha! And these are the guys who LOST the war. Doing pretty good for a bunch of losers! I wish we could lose a few wars like that, maybe I'd have a dental plan! Today, like hopefully the rest of the days, features a big, clean, efficient hall, well-staffed with friendly locals. Whose fore-fathers gassed the Jews. All of the shitty little venues are done on this jaunt, and we have nothing but class acts all the way home. But how did we get here? Thats right, we've been in Euro-hell! But it tasted great!
THE AUTHOR BEFORE HE GOT FAT
Wassup! It is I, me, reporting to you and representing the Skin's from the steps of some weird fort in Madrid. That's Spain, you cretin! Right afound the corner from here I saw some guy shooting up some other guy, straight into his stump. I tried not to stare! And yes, apologies to all my man-lovers out there, but the hippie-head is dead. I cut my hair in a fit of cleanliness somewhere in England, back to my normal low hair maintenance self. Back to the grand adventure!
Welcome to madhouse Madrid, where we had a day off. Out of the bus we pile, to pile, Scott of course hitting his head in the process (he has the nicest seething wound where he repeatedly bumps his skull into the miniature confines of our double-decker zero-space tour bus), out into the streets we go. Walking through streets full of food-filled shops, we quickly pile through the Prado, pay our respects to The Triumph of Death....awww fuck this world-class museum stuffed full of priceless, classic art which I have worshipped from afar most of my life and hardly ever get to see! I'm hungry! My old art history professer would hate me but I practically run through the place. Back to the streets jammed full of windows packed with meat, cheese, confections, baked goods, but we weren't about to purchase an entire Jamone, though I don't doubt that we could have put a hurting on it...no, we were after tapas! Now, things are different here...people go to work in the morning, and then around one or two they close their shops and go have their siesta...this usually involves lunch, and lunch in Spain means tapas, the idea being provide a quick, tasty and cheap way to feed people in a manner best expressing the variety and laid-back nature of Spanish life. You get an endless variety of tapas eating outposts all over the place, where you get an endless variety of foods, all sold in cute mini-portions, and served cheap and fast. This way you don't get too filled-up before you go an have sex with your lover and then go back to work, or skip the sex and go to another tapas bar. You can eat at two or three different places and not spend much money, plus, and most importantly, get some really good food.
The three pictures above show our progression of eating our way through an afternoon in Madrid. We started at an outdoor place, set in a square onto which many restaurants opened. Waiters burst in and out of these places, bearing large platters of food and drink. These men we hailed! We started with bowls of baby eels and garlic/mayo toast, steaming, spicy chorizo in a hot oil sauce, and finally a black sausage and goat cheese pie! Delicious is too small a word! Then we stumble off to the next place, devouring meatballs and fried sardines at an alarming rate. But we are not done. On to a final place, a locals spot where we walk in and sit at the counter, which is covered by a glass case filled with indescribable delicacies! We pile into chunks of rabbit and finally a bowl of tripe...and here's where I meet my stopping point. Tripe is stomach lining and not for the weak of stomach...and this bowl is roughly cut, meaning they are huge hunks of stomach tissue, dripping with fibrous digestive hairy shit and an inedibly rich sauce of melted pig fat...well, it's delicious but I can only manage a few bites before it is game over. It has been a culinary adventure of epic proportion, and I've only spend about 20 bucks, including beer, and you don't have to tip over here. But do it anyway, just a buck or so, they'll love you!
Then it was on to a series of shows in Spain designed to replace a festival in Portugal that got cancelled at the last second. That meant these shows had been booked at the even laster second and were in small clubs with difficult load-ins, no bus parking...but we'd made it through England so this wasn't agonizing so much as just annoying. And of course the locals (the few who turned up) were great--and the food, which seems to be the main focus of this chapter, was actually getting better...and unforgettable was the spread at this one little place in Irun, Spain. Whole platters of steaming brains, still in their split skulls, sectioned suckling pig, whole fish, giant tentacles in sea- broth...unbelievable even by my standards!
But we weren't done! No, our belly's are holes that can never be filled for long! After fucking around in Barcelona for a horrible show (actually the show was the best part...everything else sucked...) we returned to the south of France, the port of Marseilles. And here another feast of epic proportion awaited us! The locals were great, very happy to have us, and showed us that love with endless food. Lunch consisted of a full spread of just about every food you could imagine, just the south-of-France version! Creamy quiches and a bow-tie tuna pasta! Endless cheeses and cured meats. Breasts of chicken and garlic-roasted beef. And that was just lunch. For dinner they busted out this huge pot of bubbling reddish-brown stew...the local wine and the local beef and a few carrots and choice seasonings and what kind of meat is that? Kangaroo you say? That's right folks we had Kangaroo Stew, and we weren't even in Australia. Apparently vast tracts of the French countryside are covered by kanga-farms, where these insolent beasts are put to the sword and then the table for their various offenses...and it's high time they paid for their crimes--by us eating them! If only kanga's didn't control half of the Aussie congress, similar measures would have been put into effect there. Who cares about congress kanga's taste great!
Don't get spoiled by all these updates. I could slack off at any moment.
CHAPTER EIGHT : RETURN TO THE LAND OF THE JEW-KILLERS
A tourist's guide to all of your favorite atrocity sites!
Lost somewhere in Europe, late March, 2007!
This cowboy jacked me off!
Wassup! Your roving reporter, Dave Brockie, here and at your disposal! It's been a while since I wrote a big, long-winded article inspired by my asinine observations on cultural phenomenon. And considering that I am currently on tour in Europe for six weeks or so, with GWAR no less, I am surrounded by both culture and phenomena! And I'm not talking about what's growing in my shorts. No! I am talking about Europe in all it's splendor, brimming with humanity and history, attitude and charm! If you are an Ameri-centric hater of all things European (so I guess you hate yourself...if yer white) then stop! Go no farther! Because I am going to talk about the things I love about this place, and I know nothing I will say can change your mind about hating it. But don't worry, I'm not going to use this as an opportunity to bash the good old U.S.A. either. Belittle, perhaps, but bash...uh....never. I merely seek to entertain and perhaps enlighten the brave few who will follow me to the land of the "other white meat", the not-so-dark continent, on to Europe, and hopefully back in one piece.
Let's dive right in. Here's the last solid turd I made since I left America. I don't know what it is about this place that leads to mud-butt, but that's really the only thing I hate about it over here! Well, after an boring and uncomfortable flight we finally landed in turdy olde England. This photo pretty much sums up how I feel about the first week of the tour in that country closest to the U.S. over here. As much as I love the fans and folks of Merry Olde, compared with the rest of Europe, England is a shitehole. The venues are filthy. Yes, I know I'm in the filthiest band in history, but honestly I don't need any help from the venues in acheiving that. With the notable exception of Manchester, Wolverhampton, and Milton Keynes, every single venue we played was vile, featuring disgusting dressing rooms (if that), no showers or even worse HORRIBLE ice-cold showers of dubious pressure, several-flights of stairs load-ins, and troll-ish subterranean's as staff! At one point some punter commented that GWAR had brought the sun with them. I hadn't even noticed. Wretched, and this is from the man who makes you look at his turds! Thank you, GWAR fans and our many friends who made this first chapter in our odyssey even halfway fucking tolerable. Thanks Erwin, our favorite Dutchman! Now get me outta here!
We awoke the next day in Belgium. We'd crossed the English Channel in the night, locked into the bowels of a hulking ferry, thanks Captain McDrunky for not opening the bow-doors! A completely different atmosphere surrounded us, even though it was still rainy, grey and cold. But it was true. We really had escaped Britain, escaped the Channel's icy grip. I felt 48% better.
We pile into the "Austin Powers" dressing room and begin our first day "on the continent". After two days in top-notch venues, we are starting to feel even better! The food is getting real good...amazing cheese and bread...and potted goose and buckets of mussels and foie gras and plates of snails...did I mention stinky, STINKY cheese...and Steak Tartare and yes, a tripe sausage...this in just a few days. We go from Belgium to to France to gay Paree, eating all the way. And I still make soupy-poo! After 12 straight shows, we finally get a day off, and spend it running around Paris in a frantic manner. We descend into the depths of the catacombs, alight to the tip of the Eiffel Tower, farting all the way!
THIS BUILDING FROM 1912 TO 1962 HOUSED " THE GRAND GUIGNOL"
AN AVANT-GARDE THREATRE GROUP THAT HAD A LOT IN COMMON WITH GWAR.
We even find the Grand Guignol theatre and pay our respects, even though it's now a Theatre for the Deaf, and they won't let in a bunch of blood-stained Americans. The tower really is fucking amazing. To think it was considered an eyesore when first built and was at one point slated for demolition. The inside of the Eiffel Tower is just as crazy as the outside!
This wonder is well over a hundred years old and is working beautifully, just like the subway. Those crazy, ingenious, talented French people! So of course the show in Paris was excellent. The club was actually in the same building as the Moulin Rouge, so if that doesn't inspire a performer (to be a whore) then I don't know what will. Love this country, love this city. So what if they don't want our bombers to fly through their airspace. Freedom fries? How embarassing, especially after experiencing the hospitality and generosity of the French people first-hand. Thanks Nicko and Anthony and everybody else, you guys are the best! So France down...where to now?
Next chapter : EATING MY WAY THROUGH SPAIN WITH A BUNCH OF SMELLY AMERICANS
March 8th, The House With No Knobs. Thats the new name--because you guessed it! The house has no fucking doorknobs! Not much to say for the moment as I have not finished packing for Europe. But here's some details from my rad new piece, "Undead Saddam".
Wait that's Tom Greene! Lemme try again...
Pix are blurry because they were shot by hand. This is a beautiful larger painting for Shawn in Tampa. Don't hate me if you haven't got your work yet---it shall be done! Now off to Europe!
Feb. 21st, 2007. Still holed up in The Compound. For now, that's the name of my new crib. It does have a certain Koreshian charm, what with it's gated driveway and kid-fort...The fuckin' brutal Europe tour is only about 3 weeks away so I'm doing my best to enjoy every pot-drenched moment that I have to lounge about the house, dabble away on my art, watch ESPN, jam tunes, and work my way through "The Soprano's" cookbook. So the goal is to relish every second of self-indulgent glee because soon enough my life will be a festering mass of filth. Everything gets stuck in a giant box tomorrow and is sent off to Europe-land. It's kinda weird to think about all the GWAR costumes in a shipping container, lashed to the deck of some Brazilian cargo liner, braving roiling seas and a host of bizarre sea-creatures, and all the while GWAR sits at home naked. And while I am doing that I find I have time to ponder the many bugs of life, where it has led me, where I'm at, and where the fuck I am going (besides Europe). First off I would like to say one thing to all of the people who have supported GWAR and through that me for all of these years...THANK YOU FREAKS. Being a GWAR fan takes a level of commitment far beyond that of other bands, and we appreciate it, even when we are urinating on you. You are pretty much labeling yourself a mutant when you swear allegiance to GWAR, and have to accept the scorn of the ignorant masses who are generally terrified of us. And GWAR fans don't give a fuck! You have given me (and when I say me, I mean us) the most amazing gift, and I bet you didn't even know it....you gave us freedom. Because of your support (money), I (we), have been able to pursue our twisted dreams (in a very public manner) for years now...I look back over the body of work that we have produced and it leaves me breathless, and not just from embarrasment. We've never backed down, never compromised (o.k., that's a lie), and because of this unrelenting attitude of abandon that GWAR and Slave Pit now hold such an unassailably special place in the public consciousness. And to be a part of something like that is what aspiring artists (and I still am one of those, I hope) dream about.
I'm not sure why I'm on the verge of getting all mushy. But as we enter the 23rd year of GWAR's life on earth, it's time to reflect on what GWAR means to us and what will become of it. The future of GWAR hangs in the balance. Will we ever achieve our goals of world domination? Will we ever have our own show in Vegas? Will I one day retire from GWAR with a healthy severance pay, passing along the mantle of Oderus Urungus to my illegitimate love child? Or will GWAR pass away our time playing State-Fairs and horror conventions, drinking our way to oblivion? Heady stuff. All I know is this. GWAR has validated my life, and every second we still have to spend in those costumes is another moment in a legacy that has lasted far longer than we ever thought it would. I will cherish and make the most of every moment that our fans give us. So, once more into the breach...have at you!
Meanwhile, the "Eighth Lock" video is ALMOST DONE...I actually have seen the finished product and it's great......LabProductions, under the direction of Chris Trainor, has created the ultimate horror movie style GWAR video. Too bad you can't see it yet. Also--I have gotten some alarming e-mails regarding people's reactions to the Slave Pit TV stuff. No, I am not smoking crack or having to pawn my toaster oven to pay for it. I'm not saying that never happened but I got better. And--what is up with the guestbook? So much for it being a forum for ideas, links and pictures. But the biggest suck about it are those fucking horrible guestbook spams...this whole internet thing is getting out of hand! More cool stuff, less bitching please! I actually do read it from time to time.
Here's a couple of details from a couple of new pieces...you can see them in their entirety on the Money for Art page.
Detail from "Sargon"
Detail of "Coal Oderus"
The-As-Yet-Unamed-New-Crib, Wednesday, Feb. 1st, 2007. My life is one of extremes. Just over a month ago I was surrounded by screaming fans, haggard club staffs, and blood-stained slaves 24-7. I slept in a rolling box and sang for my supper. Every night we would drive, every morning I would awake in a unfamiliar place and immediately have to search for an unfamiliar toilet. Then would come the familiar shit. But I begin to wobble. To reign this back in before it becomes yet another rant about shitting, I spend large portions of my life surrounded by people, then return home to a place where days go by without a seeing anybody. I just moved into this new place and it's a little off the beaten track. Plus the Sea-Slut, yea that's right the Sea Slut, fabled war-wagon of DBX, is currently under the weather and it's too damn cold to ride my faithful mountain bike. So I am isolated, my only connection to the outside world my computer, the T.V., the mail system, my roommates, and of course lets not forget my faithful fleet of carrier pigeons! But I will carry on, a modern day Robinson Crusoe, because I LOVE IT!
The best thing about living on a desert island is that you get to eat rats. And also not get bothered by weed-starved friends constantly popping by with little or no regard for my habit of wildly masturbating with the front door open. Second best is the comfort level…every day I wake up in the same place, and the toilet is mere steps away, under the same roof even! But don't think I am resting on my enema-drenched hackles, oh no! I am trying to get caught up on this work, and I am kicking ass! Behold the beauty of SMARM!
As usual you can't see the true level of sick detail that makes this piece so damn right. This beauty goes out to the wonderful Nameless One of Weeping Titwillow, Alaska. I believe this is only the eighth millionth piece I've ever sold in Alaska, actually only the Kumausk province…not anything past the 87 th parallel. Now before all the other people scream “Well that's very nice but where's my fucking piece (especially you eskimoes)”! Don't fret Cody and Jay, and John and Misty and Tyson (and several other ones) you have not been forgotten and forsaken! Well, not both at once anyway! I am on a roll and expect to be caught up with everybody before I leave for Europe! Right now I am finishing a mask for Cody, a painting for Jay, and several other things…then I'm gonna create a better page to display all the work, then I'm gonna stick a carrot up my butt!
Movie Pick “The last Man on Earth” starring Vincent Price
On Demand Pick “Dexter”
Book of the Month “The Master and Margarita”
Super Bowl Pick—Colts by 3
Back at it!
Jan. 23, 2007, Yet another crib! And it doesn't have a nickname yet. Whew! Yes, you can beleive your eyes. I have actually updated this site for two consecutive months! Where to start...well, last year was another incredible year for GWAR. But I won't waste time telling you about it, you were probably there. After we got back from the fall tour, I immediately moved into a new place, which fucking rules. And hopefully it's not haunted! After settling in, I jumped on finally getting this stack of commissions finished...I mean it's getting ridiculous...so here's the latest pieces!
"Oderus on Pile of Fucking Skulls"
11x14 Acrylic--going to Jeff in Pa. !
Pen and Ink 2007
Going to the incredibly patient Aaron! He apparently is going to get this tattooed on his ass!
Don't worry Misty or John or Tyson or anyone else who has given up on ever seeing their art...I am doing my best to get caught up with everything before we leave for Europe in March!
Oct. 21, Hartford, Conn. Oh faithful friends, where to begin. Perhaps the best way to sum up the way I feel about
living in this world that is completely out of control and seemingly devoid of truth or goodness.
"This Is How I Feel"
2006 Pen and ink on canvas board 12''x14''
This little baby goes to Adrian in Cali, for his band "Douche of Hazard" On to the next one! Maybe it's yours!
Hey! I'm in a movie! "American Hardcore", a movie about the beginning (and end) of the American punk scene, is open nationwide, and your's truly provides commentary! I haven't seen it yet, but I hear I am one funny dude. It really makes me happy to think of my head being even bigger than it already is! Check out the trailer here.
Check out this absolutley amazing speech made by ex-congresswoman Cynthia McKinney. After I heard that speech I tried to understand how I felt about it. Sixties activist Salvio described it as being "sick at heart". And as I watch with continuing disgust the gruesome worldwide spectacle being enacted everyday by our country I think I know how he felt. This shit is completely out of control and the people being handed the bill are expected to pay in blood. I'm talking about the troops that are being killed and maimed everyday, the victim's families of 9-11 that have been lied to, bullied and misled, the thousands of people that were decieved about the quality of air in downtown New York so they could open Wall Street, the countless number of people of Iraq and Afghanistan killed and mutilated by a war that seemingly has no end, that we were lied to in order to prosecute, the MILLIONS of people in our own country that continue to struggle against a system that viciously drains the life from you, making the most basic elements of a decent existence practically unattainable while providing completely inadequete attention to our education, health care, inner-cities and a host of other basic services that the richest nation on Earth could easily provide.
Well, thats enough ranting. Tour is going great!
June 20th, 2006. Shady Place. I think this house is haunted. No bullshit. here's why.
It started before we even moved into the place. I just had a feeling that someone had died in here--not just died, was murdered. More than that, it was a young girl, a young girl who had died violently at the hands of someone she loved, or thought she loved anyway. Well, that's not so weird, you may be saying. Especially in a town as fucked up as this one. The problem is that no one ever told me that. I just kind of knew. And I never have "feelings". It's not that I don't believe in the para-normal, it's just that I've never had any experiences even remotely ghostly. Unless of course you count that time that I transcended time and space and took over the body of the Marquis De Sade during the writing of "Justine", correcting many spelling errors in the process. So anyway, here I am in a house that a young girl was murdered in. I didn't think much of it until the dreams started.
The first one happened about a week after moving in. I woke up in a cold sweat, shaking and terrified. Slowly I began to realize I had experienced the most horrific nightmare I had ever had. I was standing in the hallway outside the bathroom, looking into the living room. Around the corner a figure slowly came into view. She was wreathed in shadow, and appeared to hover above the ground, though her gown reached it, dragging slightly behind her and bunching up around her feet, which were about 3 inches off the floor. I was seized with a paralyzing fear but was unable to do anything but stare in horror as she glided across the room, seemingly unconcerned with me. I could not make out her features, but could tell it was a young girl in a red nightgown with blonde, curly, shoulder length hair--except she seemed to be bald on the top of her head. Then I realized she didn't have any flesh on the top of her head either--the hair had fallen away from the crown of her head, though it still clung to the sides of her skull in wisps that rose about her features like a veil. That was fine with me as I had no
desire to stare upon a face that I was sure was devoid of flesh. She passed right by me, on her way to the front door. Then I woke up with a start, panting and sweaty. It had only been a dream, but unlike ALL of my other dreams, it had seemed so fucking real.....
I put the episode out of my mind...until last night. I was sitting up in bed, fucked up, enjoying the end of the day buzz by reading ("Devil in the White City") a bit before crashing. I'm alone, and slowly start to drift off. At some point I feel my girlfriend climb into bed next to me. All is well.
I wake up. All the light's are out but the room is suffused with a warm bath of T.V. light. Normally a comforting feeling but I am in a panic, completely bathed in a cold sweat that has soaked the sheets and pillowcases around me. The door in half-open and out in the hall I can see a blob of shadow with a lighter mass in the center...mass that slowly begins to gel into detail. Detail i don't want to see because I know what it is. It's her again, and this time she isn't just going out the door. She's want's to get in the room.
I'm freaking out, completely paralyzed with terror. I scream, but all that come out is a low moan that fails to rouse my mate. I can see her, see her nightgown, right outside the door, reaching into the opening and grasping the door's edge with a hand that of course is completely skeletal....the door is opening SHE"S COMING IN. With a final burst of energy that comes from somewhere very deep within me I manage to break the grasp of spell and tear my gaze away from the door and the approaching spirit. With that control of my body returns and the scream finally gets out, scaring the shit out of my girlfriend.
"What the fuck?" she says, mercifully un-affected by the visitation.
O.K., think what you will about it, but I beleive in ghosts. I beleive that the subconscious is one of the places where they hang out. Both my Mom and my brother visited me after they died, and it helped the greiving/healing process...that's why they came, to tell me it was all right to let them go. But nobody said anything about a skull-faced, burning red-eye, floating around my house HORROR! No bullshit! Good thing I'm outta here!
O.K., that was a couple of weeks ago. Now I'm out on the road, hanging in Cleveland. I was soooooo pissed last night. With this whole "Pirates" sequel, there are tons of pirate specials on TV...and I was looking forward to "Blackbeard, Terror of the Seas". This show was touting itself as the "most accurate depiction" of the famous pirate's life to date. Well it sucked! Anybody who has read my Blackbeard page knows how full of shit it was! That's right, if you read that page, you know more about Blackbeard than the people who wrote the script to that stupid fucking movie! Speaking of which, I got a message from a Historical society in Bristol, England, the alleged home of the freak. Anyhoo, seems they were so impressed with my Blackbeard essay that they wanted to use it on their website. So I said hell yeah! Check it out, I'm a published essayist (isn't the net wunnerful)! Check out the "Pirates of Bristol" homepage, with my essay on it.
I really hate those "Bluetooth" things-a lot of people on tis tour seem to have them. I'm never sure if they're talking to me, or what ear I should talk into. Why would you want to have a tooth in your ear anyway? Or look like Robert Duvall in THX-1138 (the new director's enhanced edition is amazing)? I'm gonna get a fake one and use it to ignore real people and have conversations with ones that don't exist. Well, here we are on SOTU, and I think I've figured out how to update my page from the road...so I will try to do so as soon as possible!
June 12th, 2006--Shady Place...it's a fucking beautiful day. And I finally got my wireless keyboard to work. So I can just lie around all over the fucking place and not even look at the damn screen when I occasionally update this damn thing. Well, where to start? A lot of shit is going down as I'm sure you can imagine...the whole album making process was great, we haven't done a video yet cuz we ain't quite sure which song we like best, but we'll crank it out here before we go. It's so weird. So much has happened in such a short amount of time that it seems like years since we've been on the road, though it's been only 1/2 a year. We all have new GWAR-suits, which is awesome. Don't freak! We still look the same, with slight modifications. Many of the improvements are internal, though I think you'll notice that Balsac and Beefcake are getting bigger all the time. Oderus is hairier, Jizmak is meatier, and Flattus is still...Flattus, and after the incredible job Cory did on this new record I must say he is one of the most talented and hard-working guitar players I have ever met. Kudos to Matt, Bob, Don, Scott, and all the Slave Pit crew. The new shit looks great. The new album sounds great. But I ramble. Now back to continuing the growth of this ridiculous site. Here's a bunch of crazy shots of various stupid shit and weird people I/met did over the last year, including my incredible girl/partner in crime/ the amazing, sexy, beautiful, Danielle...
Devin fucking rules. I know you guy's are gonna love the new shit. I got some flak from some fans about GWAR taking on Satan in the new album...well, first off, you don't know that's what we're doing, and I'm not giving much away. True, "Beyond Hell" deals with GWAR's descent into the underworld--and that, by the way, is one of the most explored theme's in literary history--just ask Gilgamesh...but do you really think for one moment that our version of this classic premise is going to be anything less than a complete mockery and skewering of anything and everything between Heaven and Hell? And who's to say that the Devil himself is above GWAR's wrath? Seems that Oderus would want to pick a fight or at least hang out! And I believe that Ole' Nick can take a joke! OK, that's it for now, neek week (yeah right...) I will ppost a full update on all of those fucking art commissions I am so pathetically behind on! Til' then, here's a piece of my latest masterpiece, a GWAR group portrait for Mike in Philly! Talk about under-bidding! Updates next week--I've got a great stupid story coming up!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006 . Shady Palace My new crib!
Sorry about no updates in like a year or so. You won't believe it, but it was an anti-blog protest. Everybody knows I invented that shit, on this site, years ago! And I never made any money off of it. And now it's the big trendy hit! So I was so determined to not be trendy, so I didn't write a thing for the the site until I felt I had made my point, or until I felt I should give up trying to make one. I'll let you decide which one happened. Blogging? Blag! Just what we need, another forum for dumbshits who can't even punctuate much less write. Like I want to read about how your fat friend who tried to OD on Valerian root and only succeeded in shitting herself. Or how you had to clean up her apartment, bitching all the while. Or how you turned the whole thing into a blog that people actually read (like me), a blog that as soon as your fat “friend” finds will probably result in her successful suicide. Well, actually it was kinda funny. But it's no excuse for not updating the site in so long. I could say that it was because my laptop got rained on, or that all the fucking touring we did pretty much took all my effort, or that Mike Derks made me drink with him all year. I could say that, and more, and it would all be true, but the biggest reason I never update this site is because I don't feel like it! But I do now so shut up!
That's it, the truth as to why I have not updated the site in forever. But unbelievably here it is, the site update that you have been awaiting! Witness the insane ramblings of a man recovering from a solid year of touring with the world's most insane band! Hear his pathetic excuses at never updating his site! Cringe as he balks at a mountain of unfinished commissions! O.K., here goes…
Wow! Look at that! It's the first living Giant Squid ever captured video or film. We've found plenty of these beasts dead and smelly, washed up on various third world beaches, and there are certainly plenty of horrible first-hand accounts, but never have the humans ever actually got one of these guys documented living in their native environment, which in this case is near Japan in 900 meters of water! These guys towed around a little camera sled with a bunch of extra stinky stuff on it. After a few weeks of this, they were getting pretty bored. That was until this behemoth swam up! Around 25 feet long, this beasty features eyeballs as wide as dinner plates! That's bigger than your head! Not my head, but yours. The Giant Squid joins the ranks of other bizarre beasties currently tickling my fancy. I'd start to babble on about Oliver the Humanzee, but I'll let you find out about that one for yourselves. Suffice to say that it's truly disturbing. For this update all I am trying to do is catch up, so on to the art that I have taken people's money for and not finished yet. You know who you are, Aaron, MC, Hepp, Mike (s), Tyson, Cody, Matt, PumpkinGirl, and Amanda (missing anyone?) There's no big deal, it's just that I work slowly…but it causes problems for the people awaiting their stuff, so from now on I will only take commissions one at a time. First, however, I have to catch up with the existing orders. I just finished a couple of paintings, which you can see on the Money For Art pages. So all you folks patiently waiting, hang in there! And for those of you that wish to own some incredibly rare and valuable Brockie collectable art, save those sheckles, drop me a line, and we'll put you on the list. New stuff on the GWAR, Stupid, and as I said the Money For Art pages. I'm really gonna try to update monthly, but for now I just wanted to get the damn thing up and running again…be looking out next month for a more a detailed report on last year's madness and this year's fiendish plans. Hail GWAR!
"NEW BUSH BOMB KICKS AL-QUEDA'S ASS"
for Danny and Kyrsten Buzzard of SF
As seen in the Money for Art page, along with a couple other new pieces
April 9th, 2005, The Hobbit Hole--OMIGOD. No, your eyes are not deceiving you. I actually updated the site. I like to think that I am a reasonably motivated individual, but anyone that knows me knows that is a LIE. Well, not completely. I'm plenty motivated to sleep til' two, play GTA 3 for hours, smoke pot, then resin, then the actual material used to make my bong, scratch my balls (and my testicles), ridicule who aren't around, not work and say I did, assault ushers at sporting events, take people's money for commissions and never do the art, masterbate furiously, eat egg and anchovy burgers, continue to masterbate furiously, destroy cell phones, betray my loved ones, and never update this fucking site! But in my defense we did crank out the coolest GWAR album since the last one and then tour for 13 weeks in the U.S. and Canada. So much has happened thats it's hard to know where to start. So I won't! I'll just pick it up like I never went away.
Everyone freaked out about Hogzilla, but check this out--the largest Grizzly Bear ever recorded was recently bagged in Alaska. It stood 14 feet tall on it's hind legs, seven on all fours. So many numbers! This thing had already eaten two people and sucked up five rounds from a 38 caliber pistol before it went after this game warden. He shot it seven times with his hunting rifle before the damn thing fell over. And it still wasn't dead! So he unloaded several rounds into the beast's head and that finally did it in. Now, just think if the bears had the guns. We'd be fucked! No comment from Chippy on this, but we're sure he's pissed...
Now I want to beg forgiveness to all of those people who are waiting patiently for me to finish their commissions. Especially Aaron, Hepp, and Mike. I really thought I would get more work done on tour but performing the GWAR show really fucking killed me. It would take me a whole day of lying around on the bus, drinking heavily and playing GTA3 just to recover the ability to dress up like a rubber monster and fuck myself up even worse. I couldn't even fingerpaint! Thanks for your patience--you will be rewarded--with more waiting. I did manage to finish a couple of things--like Oderus head's for Muddy and Tim (and thank you Muddy, the Death Head arrived safely and has joined my collection of evil Nazi war crime memorablia). The detail shot above is from a piece I did for a young married couple..."Weird Church". As usual I woefully underestimated how much time it would take to finish it and became hopelessly mired in a sea of microscopic detail. At one point I was painting with a dental pick! Check out the whole piece on the "Money for Art" page. So to my kind patrons...hang in there! In the meantime I won't be accepting any new work until I clear out these orders. Unless of course you have money.
Speaking of wayward art, here's another piece I finished--a print of "Servant of Death's head" with a custom frame...unfortunatley I don't have the name or address of the nice young woman that it belongs to! If you are out there please e-mail me so I can get you yer art! Bet you thought I forgot about it!
Sep. 15th, 2004. The Hobbit Hole. Quick update devoid of reason or truth. Not long before the new album hits the stores--the tour is pretty much booked solid, get your updates at gwar.net. For those of you that heard the rumors, Las Vegas and the whole Terrordome thing is OFF. If you don't know what I'm talking about don't worry about it. Sorry if your city is not on the list! Go beat up your local promoter.
For those of you lucky enough to have us coming to your town, start preparing for our arrival now. Start earning/stealing/saving money to waste on our merchandise. Get us a bunch of drugs. I don't need to list our preferences--I just expect a grocery bag full of good shit tossed onto our bus as soon as we arrive. And no, we DON'T want to hang out with you. Just give us your drugs and get out, and leave your slutty girlfriend.
I'm working on several commissions right now and I want to thank everyone for being so patient. I want to, but I can't. All I can do is eat Spam and smear white-out on my genitals. I will post pix of the pieces on the Money for Art page as I finish them. The pieces will all be done by the time we leave on tour, and I can hand-deliver them to you if you plan to catch a show...which OF COURSE you are doing...Thanks to everybody buying my shit, it really makes me happy to think that my art is in someone's home, treated with reverence and care...much better than me filing them away, waiting for them to be devoured by time's maw...and of course that extra money is a huge help keeping this Scumdog 100% devoted to the production of the art, music, and mayhem that you crave!
But just because I'm busy with all my side work, don't be fooled into thinking that I am neglecting my GWAR responsibilities. We are working our asses off on the new show and getting ready to shoot a video in October...there are tons of merchandise designs to square away as well, but mostly we are just building sick shit to kill! The show is gonna be awesome! Just look at the new monster that we fight!
Well, thats the lousy update. Some new stuff on the Chippy page. Hang in there droogs, GWAR is coming!
Detail from "Gibbles", my latest Ebay auction.
8/31/04-The Hobbit Hole. Well, I don't know if you caught CNN, but our little old Richmond got FUCKED UP yesterday. A tropical storm ran into a low-pressure front right over Richmond and dumped 10-14 inches of rain on us in a little over four hours. Nobody had any warning. Water started boiling up everywhere as the over-taxed storm- seweres failed utterly. The Shockoe Bottom area got mangled--cars were piling up on top of each other and floating off down canal. Five feet of water ran rampant through the cities biggest entertainment district (ONLY entertainment district) for the better part of a day. One building collapsed entirely. Five people in the area died! And this morning a 20- square block area of downtown was temporarily CONDEMNED. Tons of my friends work down there. Richmond just got kicked in the nuts HARD.
Plus my basement flooded, soaking lots of precious stuff, including several pieces of my original art! So look for them on e-bay soon. Speaking of e-bay, the "Squiggly Tree" auction was a complete failure. I told him he set too high a minimum! I'm completely slammed with commission's in addition to my GWAR responsibilies--like draining pus out of Oderus's inflamed clam-sac...the new show is shaping up in amazing fashion--my new sword is fucking seven feet long!
Anyway, I'm putting a piece up on e-bay this month, in a desperate arrempt to keep peddling my shit. The painting is known as 'Gibbles" and it was excecuted last fall and exhibited in the MF Halloween show, as well as my solo show this spring. It's fucking beautiful and as usual the photos don't do it justice.
Well, thats about it for now. Tour dates, Slave Pit and "Chippy" page coming soon, but for now I'm too fucking busy creating the sick shit you crave!!!!!! Buy my painting, I need to make rent!
WHAT IS CHIPPY?
Many (well, some...) people report seeing the strange creature--a so-called "Chippapotamus". Some people insist it was a delightful experience. Others have had their lungs torn out. Park Ranger Skeksis Mandelabra insists Chippy is both a threat and a menace. If you see Chippy, STAY CALM and give him all of your money. Stay tuned for more details on the nefarious activities and public appearances of this mysterious creature/entertainer.
Aug. 6th 2004 O.K. here it is the update all of you LOYAL AND FAITHFUL FANS have been waiting for. Now, don't get all in a lather, it's really not much of an update. Just a feeble beginning to what I hope will be more of a habit (like the crack) in the future. But that's right, I'm still alive. And you'll be pleased to know that I have been doing plenty of stupid shit. I just can't remember any of it. But you will be far more pleased to know that I have been doing all kinds of incredibly cool shit! Our new album is done! We have a new label! I survived the iso-chamber (barely)! There is a creature named Chippy that I am intimately involved with! We have a new Slave Pit! And a new booking agent! Damn! As far as never updating this site, what can I say, I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me. You spend your valuable time coming to my site, hoping in vain for some smidgen of information, all for naught. Disappointed once again, you are reduced to leaving an idiotic comment in my guestbook. And all the while I am smoking crack and fucking black chicks (fat ones who are men).
Reading the guestbook all I can say is this--don't get mad at Fatty and Buzzbomb because of OUR incredible lameness in supplying them with updates. I promise to try harder!
First things first--where's that dude in Cleveland who gave me money for a drawing which I never did. I lost your name and address and want to get you yer piece. But I can't even remember what it is that you wanted! Please E-mail me! And Aaron I haven't forgotten about you either. What the fuck did you want? My face on your ass?
I've had limited e-mail access for a while. You see, there were extenuating circumstances involving my long silence. I've spent quite a bit of time wandering around naked, smeared with excrement. So all you people who have sent e-mail regarding art commissions rest assured that I lost all of your enquiry's. So please re-send you requests so I can make some fucking money. And don't think that I only update when I want money. Even though it's true.
Speaking of money, my roomate John is so broke that he is auctioning off a painting of mine I did some 20 years ago. It's a beautiful oil painting called "Squiggly Tree". He needs to sell it to give me the rent, the fucker! So buy the damn thing so I can jack him for the cash. Here!
O.K., I've got a bunch of new stuff coming your way soon. But right now I want to smoke weed and eat spaghetti. O.K., I did that. It was good! I didn't even have a place to live for a while there--it got pretty rough! I loved it, of course! So we're happy in our new Slave Pit (no GWAR-b-ques anytime soon, you should see this neighborhood...cracktivity is the word), working hard on the new show and video now that the record is done! Tons of stuff coming soon!
March 1st, 2004, Pre-Iso-Chamber Training Facility
Well, in just a few more days I will be seeing some of you at my show in New York, possibly for the last time. Why for the last time, you may say. Because I might fucking die, that's why! I don't know why the hell nobody talked me out of it but during the show I will be climbing into the dreaded "iso-chamber" and will stay locked within for the duration of the exhibit! My associates have been strictly warned not to let me out for any reason and will beat up anyone who tries to free me. I will be locked in the cube for six weeks with only a cell phone, a game boy and a whole bunch of food and porno and my laptop as well. I'm trying to fit my lazy boy in there, but it's too damn big. Maybe if I saw the legs off...maybe if I saw my legs off...anyway the point is that I will be stuck in that damn box for six weeks and I can't seem to get anyone to believe me. Some people seem to think this whole thing is a joke or maybe some kind of a publicity stunt. The fact that I'll be on tour with GWAR for a large part of my confinement isn't helping matters either. Despite this annoying reality, I'm sticking to my guns and my story. I'll have you know that right now I am in training at a special top-secret facility, preparing my body for the physical torment of sitting around doing nothing for weeks on end. Here's a top-secret photo of me in my top-secret Lazy Boy with my tip-top secret time wasting device. I'll be relying heavily on this piece of high-tech gadgetry to take me through this trial!
Besides that we have been at work on the new GWAR stuff. Todd came down for a couple of weeks and we worked out a bunch of great new tunes. Well, they did anyway, I've been too busy training. Training and working with my new friend, "Chippy". Chippy will also be appearing at the MF Gallery. There has been a lot (well, none...) of speculation as to who or even what Chippy is and all I can tell you is---he is a Chippopotaumus, a species very rare and also very talented. I've discovered him in the wild and I'm exposing him to society for the first time on Saturday night. Bring nuts and pills, he likes pills! In the meantime, and assuming I survive the "Iso-Chamber", GWAR will be hitting the road in mid-April for a coast-to-coast debauch-fest! We are really looking forward to that, as GWAR has not toured in over a year, a fact that you are undoubtably painfully aware of. Somehow I managed to finish an ass-load of commission pieces which I have displayed on the "Art For Money" page. Oh, and by the way, there is a crock pot inside the "Iso-Chamber", so I won't starve...but feel free to drop of groceries as I will be unable to shop.
Back to my training--tonight we'll do 6 hours of Bong-Ups.
And always remember I'm always (never) available for custom commissions (paintings, album and magazine covers...etc.), affordable prints of classic GWAR/Brockie work, costume pieces, tattoo design, and much, much less! Just email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. Business only please!!!!!
Now back to my evil troll shack (actually I'm in the basement now, that shack was damn cold).
Here's a flyer from my art opening. I didn't sell shit.
Thanks to the 3 people who showed up to drink the free beer.
Then again it was raining anthrax.
Jan. 22nd, 2004--Well, for the first time in an eternity, an actual new page! As you know I've been trying get my "art" thing going and I'm pleased as piss to announce that it's been going great! People send me money, I draw little things, and then I send them to them (the people who sent me money). And then they send me more money! So I have started this new page to showcase my efforts and hopefully inspire people to give me more money! So instead of a half-assed update here's some actual new work and a new page to show it on. And of course something new on the stupid page. And of course there's this....
Jan. 9th, The Hobbit Hole...Happy New Year! Wow, time to actually take a break from the constant partying in which I have been a wallowing for the last month straight. So many projects were ignored or abandoned in a gluttonous wave of debauchery that I'm having difficulty remembering what they were (are). So that's the point of today's update--to catalog everything I'm supposed to be doing, make a plan for the year, and then proceed to ignore it utterly--first up--go to Best Buy and get a giant TV. Second, bring it home and play Vice City all day. Get caught up with the mail and my various commissions--I had no idea I would get so much work! So my apologies to everyone awaiting art from me (Steve S, Thacker, Amy, Rob, Chris, Matt and Beth)...you'll get it soon! Continue to prepare for my big one-man show at the MF Gallery in New York, opening March 7th! Continue the songwriting process for the new GWAR record--we have 4 tunes already and they are KILLER! Get my new pages up on this site--a page that catalogs all of my commissions and presents all the stuff I have for sale, and a page that tracks all the GWAR sightings (latest one in Maxim)! OK thats enuf for now...see how long it takes me because this site won't get a real update untill all of that is underway or completed. Happy Fucking New Year!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM EVERYONE AT SLAVE PIT INC !!!!!!!!
Well, so much for all the lies of the last update! But I have been very busy, just not on what I said I was. And never you mind you with what that is anyway! All will be revealed soon enough, but for now have a great holiday! Catch ya in 2004...
Nov. 12th, 2003. Turf Retirement and Hip Replacement Center. Well, hello there kiddies! And hello again to my olde buddy Pat Brown, who I ran into at the Bubble Bar the other night. But who is Pat Brown? In high school, everybody has somebody they look up to and who inspires them to smoke pot. The first time I smoked pot, I thought the shotgun was where you put your mouth. That's only for suicide. But Pat, a couple of years older than me (years older than me? Thats REALLY old), took the time to explain exactly how to use a bong (after he got done laughing at me and my mouth full of bongwater). But I digress. I have realized that this site is getting retarded. I never do anything to the pages, I just update semi-frequently. Man, it's time to kick some ass. These pages are going to do what they are supposed to do--entertain you! No more skipping straight to the guest book to catalog your latest idiotic input! There will actually be new stuff to look at first!
Updates on DBX, Stupid, and F-Minus Art Gallery (Even though the new links don't work yet --BUZZ!!!!). Until they do heres a couple of new drawings--
"Roadtrip to Providence"
"The Future of Punk"
More GWAR and other new pages soon!
This weekend there is a special event here
in Richmond. The
show is "The Richmond Underground Art Show" featuring art from all
of Richmond weirdoes. Several GWARtists will be showing works including Brockie, Gorman, and Maguire, plus other notables including Jeff Eden, Bill Rose, and Donnie Green. Plus there will be a bunch of bands playing. The gallery is located at 817 Broad St. in ye olde Richmond-towne, In the
Commonwealth of Virginia. Festivities begin at 4 in the afternoon and stretch til' the naughty hour of 10. Heroin will be for sale out back and
we're hoping for a vomit-related accident. I've got three new pieces I'll be showing. Plus I'll have some art there too.
Plus I currently have two paintings up in New York at the Fuse Gallery and the MF Gallery. I have a solo show at the MF Gallery that opens March 7th, 2004. The show, "Various Crap", will be a retrospective of 20 years of Brockie art, with an emphasis on recent work. I am working like a little gnome on a bevy of "crap" that I know will both befuddle and amuse you!
Oct 8th, 2003, The Hobbit Hole-- We're back! Yet another glorious trip into oblivion has delivered us right back where we started from, just with less money! And right in time to get hit by a hurricane! For nine days no power, ice, cold drinks, cable TV, or stop lights (actually intersections seemed to run smoother without them). Then my modem crapped out on me, so don't be mad at me because I never seem to update my site. I just haven't been able to but finally it started working again so here we go!
People ask me about the tour and I really want to tell them everything was great. But it wasn't. The Sea Slut was hiccuping with growing frequency and we feared for our faithful ship. She finally blew up on us about 200 miles east of Albuquerque, of course in the middle of the freaking night. We ended up at Bozo's Garage and had to bid adeiu to the van, then rent another mini-van to haul our trailer. Then drive all the way to Dallas. Then send poor Cory back to hell with the rental to try and retrieve the Sea Slut from Bozo's clutches. Rentals, hotels, double gas and ultimately a rebuilt head gasket (after they tried to put in an engine that didn't fit) played havoc with our profit margain (practically non-existent anyway). But the shows were great, or at least I heard they were, I for one was too drunk to remember them. Vomiting all over my shoes in Chicago was a real highlight. Never mix tequila and Jagermeister! We lost our gnome, Gnoman(stolen in Roanoke), I left my kilt in Denver, and finally the hitch broke, almost sending the trailer into a ditch. But the shows were great, right? That's why we do it, RIGHT? It doesn't matter how much misery and privation you suffer--yer doing it for the ROCK. RIGHT???? Well, the free beer helps but it's really for the rock...and the fans...and animals in general...hey, check out my new beast-friends that I made in SF..
I almost jumped in and swam off with them but all the floating turds scared me away. Well, what's up this month? You'll be happy to know quite a bit or at least more than a little. First of all, we didn't cancel our Halloween tour. You can't cancel something that was never planned ! We decided months ago NOT to do a Halloween tour for a few different reasons--first, we're stupid. Second, we wanted to focus on two projects that are very important to us--"The Art of GWAR" is a genuine art gallery show in New York City that opens Nov. 1st. The show will provide a chance to see the graphic art and costuming of GWAR, over a period spanning 20 years! It features many juicy vintage pieces I'm sure you are already familiar with, in fact some of them may have urinated on you. And to think, we used to make stuff out of paper mache and rock putty. The show opens Nov. 1st at the Fuse Gallery in Manhattan and will feature an appearence by DBX--but that's not all--Slave Pit New York's troupe of "F-Minus Art Players" (a strange offshoot of the Slave Pit led by none other than Chuck Varga, better known as the Sexecutioner) will be presenting the play "Flopsy Bleats Appreciatively", written by none other than poet-boy-head-child Anton Reemcobb. Our assault on the art world continues--I've currently got a painting at The MF Gallery Halloween show (also in NYC), and that will lead to a solo show of sick Brockie paintings--all new--in March of 2004!
But the best news is that Todd Evans is in town. You know, Mr. T, Daddy-O, Beefcake the Mighty. Know why? Because we are working on the new GWAR album (as well as recording some tracks for some Cartoon network thing) That's right, details are sketchy at this point but the gods of GWAR have convened and decided the time is ripe--so back to the practice-pit we go, to create our heaviest, sickest, greatest, album EVER! And if you are lucky we might let you listen to it. We are devoting all of our energies to this project and it will undoubtably occupy us until early next year. So look for a new GWAR album and tour next spring. You can quit crying now.
As usual, I am available for all sorts of commissions, and I'm glad to say I've gotten a good response from people interested in my drawing/painting/squiggly lines going everywhere kind of thing. Now if it would actually turn into checks in my mailbox that would be even better. So don't be shy! Want a drawing/painting/costume piece/tattoo design? Drop me a line at email@example.com. Biz only plz! I plan to overhaul the F-Minus Gallery over the next few weeks to make this art thing a little more efficient. I've got tons of stuff people have never seen and this site should be like an online portfolio. People could order prints and originals from a link to my Ebay store. Plus it would give shout outs about pending auctions. So look for a lot of action on this site over the next few months--I promise some good new pages and lots of updates, sorry it's been so lame lately!
This is a detail from an awesome Maguire/ Brockie piece currently in progress!
July 24th, The Hobbit Hole, I'm warning you right now that this update is gonna be kinda lame because I'm leaving on tour tomorrow and have a million beers to drink! So, with your forgiveness, I will be brief! Thanks to Ben from Australia for buying "Sex, Drugs, Death, and Satan", it's in the mail. And so is your Oderus head, Jesse from Fla.! You guys had me high on crack all week. Nothing like making a little CASH to stimulate me to create even MORE twisted stuff. I'll be drawing and painting the whole tour (well, not the entire thing...)so when I get back get ready for a bunch of new and sick work (to trade for drug money)! So we'll get the Ebay thing happening again in September, so save yer pennies. And always remember I'm always (never) available for custom commissions, affordable prints of classic GWAR/Brockie work, costume pieces, tattoo design, and much, much less! Just email me directly at firstname.lastname@example.org. Business only please!!!!! So check out DBX on the big "Here We Blow Again" US Tour 2003!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Check the DBX page or gwar.net for dates near you. GWAR in the meantime is back in Antarctica, getting ready to record a new album this fall. No word on that yet, except it will be even HEAVIER than "Violence Has Arrived". If that's possible! Be prepared for GWAR/Sims Snowboards out this fall. And a huge tour soon to follow. OK, I've got my kilt, my portrait of the Duke, a over-sized bottle of Excederin PM, and someone else's bass rig. Time to board the Sea Slut, and be away. See ya soon!
July 7th, 2003, The Hobbit Hole. Man, there has been a lot
of weird shit in the news lately.
First, there was the huge blob of gelatinous flesh they found washed up on the coast of Chile.
No one is sure what the hell it is. Some speculate it could be the remains of a giant Octopus, others think it could be a mass of discarded whale blubber. Everyone agrees that it stinks! That reminded me of some other famous blobs, and I'm not talking about Anna Nichol Smith. A Japanese fishing boat hauled this out of the ocean off of New Zealand in 1977.
This thing weighed over 4000 pounds and was 33 feet long. Many people thought it was a Pleisiosaur, others said it was a giant Shark witth most of the flesh gone. Anyway, we'll never know because they cut it loose over the side after they took some photographs. But that's not the weirdest thing in the news this week.
Dateline Australia, July 3rd, 2003--Ex- Midnight Oil frontman Peter Garrett has apparently been deposed in his attempt to assume leadership of the indigenous Aborigine people. The Aborigines had lived on the Australian continent for thousands of years before being subjugated by the Colonial British in the 19th century. Since then they have been persecuted and repressed, and actually hunted for sport as recently as the 1950's. Garrett left Midnight Oil in 2000 to devote all of his energies to helping change this intolerable situation. Stepping away from the limelight of the rock stage, Garrett embraced the ancient ways of these remarkable people. It was his hope that an increased awareness of the culture would fight against the racism people have grown to accept as inevitable. However quite the opposite proved to be the case. Tribe leaders complained that Garrett was "frightening the children", and indicated that assaults on Aborigines actually had increased ten-fold since Garrett had aligned himself with them. Further aggravating the situation were accounts of Garrett's bizarre behaviour. He pledged to adopt all of the ancient ways of the Aborigine and began constructing his own hut in an outback village using exclusively traditional materials. The "hut" eventually grew to over six stories, complete with a pool, golf course and giant bar-b-que area. The "traditional materials" were taken from the other huts of the village, which had been demolished by a ravaging mob of whites weeks earlier. Garrett spent months and millions on the design and development of a helicopter made entirely out of palm leaves and kangaroo excrement, which crashed on it's first flight, killing it's Aborigine pilot. But the most disturbing element in this bizarre story was Garrett's obsession with the fabled Aborigine "Mystic Serpent", which is worshipped as a god. Apparently Garret believed that if he could somehow transform himself to resemble this creature he could win the respect of the tribe. Garrett spent the remains of his rockstar millions in a flurry of genetic experiments, plastic surgery, and neck-lengthening exercises. The effort backfired, as the leader of the tribal council described the results as "truly horrible".
Rare photograph of Peter Garrett after his "transformation".
Matters reached a boiling point on the night of July 2nd, 2003. Tribal leaders summoned a war council to drive Garrett from their lands and stop the attacks upon their people. Garrett's palatial "hut" was placed under siege, and soon the Aborigines had completely surrounded the sprawling complex. As the building burst into flames, suddenly the snake-necked Garrett was spotted on an upper balcony, screaming in rage. But just as it seemed he was to be engulfed by the raging inferno, a giant helicopter appeared out of nowhere, it's hull emblazoned with the Outback Steakhouse logo. Behind the controls was none other than Crocodile Dundee. Stretching out his great snake-neck, Garrett wrapped himself around the runner of the craft and was borne away to freedom and a 13-month tour of American Outback Steakhouse's, promoting their new "Boomerang Sandwich".
His publicist was unavailable for comment.
But even weirder than that???? I got 710.00 bucks for my first ebay auction! "Uncle Groggy" goes to Jay in Fla.! Thanks dude you rule! I'm gonna have one hell of a crack party. Lots of people bid real money, and many were disappointed. But don't worry! Because I plan to continue doing this. Why let my art rot away in the basement when I can sell it to people who appreciate the finer things in life. O.K., next on the block--
"Sex, Death, Drugs, and Satan" 2003 by Dave Brockie. This is a circular painting that is 18 inches across. It's done in heavily glazed acyrlic paint and has a very slick look. To see a larger version go to my web site at oderus.com and check out the F-Minus art gallery. Or just type this into your location bar-- http://oderus.com/anton.html -it's at the bottom of the page. The picture really can't do this painting justice. The level of detail and the beautiful paint application make for a great up-close experience. Plus the painting is totally sick and twisted. It's mounted on a thick board which is slightly larger than the painting. The board is painted and decorated and looks really cool. I'd have a picture of it but someone ripped off my digital camera! Anyway, this is one of my favorite paintings and you can have it if you want it bad enough! So support the arts and give me your money. The bidding starts at 200.00 and there is a secret (but very reasonable) reserve. The auction starts Friday, July 11th at 7:00 pm EST, and goes for one week. The item's number is 3536012913. Here's the addy, but it won't work until Friday. Good luck!
June 17th, 2003 BOO!
What is this bullshit about my kidneys?
Let me tell you a little story about a guy named RJ. Lately I've been painting houses. Spent all my rockstar millions, you see. I always knew the bottom would drop out so it's no big deal. But ANYWAY we're painting this house and I leave my bike next to a tree for like a minute (so I could go do bong hits OK maybe it was ten minutes). When I come back my bike is gone!!!! I immediately suspect my co-workers and waste valuable time accusing them. Soon it's apparent they know nothing other than that my bike is gone, and I am an asshole. I blunder off in my friends car to search the neighborhood. I fly down various streets, searching for my bike, a tire iron in my lap, to no avail. My beloved Huffy is gone. Unbeknownst to me, carnage is occuring back at the job site. Two kids ride by, one on my bike. He is quickly apprehended and the bike retrieved. Hooray! I arrive and begin slapping the shit out of him. His blubbering explanation--"RJ gave it to me". As a crowd gathers, a sudden screeching sound rends the air, accompanied by the agonized growl of a high-peformance engine in pain. Down the street the hurtling form of a brand-new Lexus screams into view. KRANG! It bounces off a parked SUV, tearing off it's rear cargo rack, and goes careening accross the street only to collide with a set of steps and a concrete porch, ending up hung up on the porch slab in a beautiful axle-grind! As the crowd stares in total incredulity, the door to the car opens shakily and out piles a LITTLE KID. The kid starts running, to be chased down by a neighbor and rudely collared, all the while shouting "this fat man is trying to hurt me!" Who is this miniature anarchist? RJ, the same guy that stole my bike! As the story unfolds we learn--after he grabbed my ride, he then traded it for one that wasn't stolen. Smart little fucker. He then rode around until he found this Lexus with the keys still in it. RJ is ELEVEN years old. He manages to get the car going and elude police for several blocks before wiping out into the porch. In the back of the cop car, RJ bangs his head against the window and triumphantly holds up his handcuffs for his gawking friends to applaud-- "RJ, you crazy!"
Well, I got my bike back, RJ got sent out of state, and you got a decent story.
My cross-country golf trip was a complete non-event. After calling tons of friends and telling all you guys I would be coming to your house's for dinner, I promptly changed all my plans at the last second and didn't tell anyone! But I still had this show in LA, and I hated to stand Bill up, so I decided just to fly out there with some stuff for the art show at Q-Topia. Because of some last minute complications (mainly me being lame though it was NEVER my intention to appear as Oderus that night and it was advertised as that anyway) I ended up leaving the costume behind and took my painting "The Discovery of Jizmoglobin". The event was pretty cool, special shout out to Muddy and Amy! The next indication of things going wrong arose as soon as I got to my friend's house where I was supposed to stay. The Yeti (also known as Dark Cloud), apparently hadn't informed his two other house guests/ two other roomates of my arrival. That meant six people in a house that was meant for one dwarf (this was Hollywood, after all). This meant I ended up in a hotel although there were numerous offers of places to stay. Truth was I was enjoying playing the visiting rocksar staying in hip hotel scenario, even if I was blowing all my money doing so. I proceeded to meet a variety of weird/cool/annoying/amazing people over the next few days as I sank deeper into a morass of drugs and alcohol. The worst was the meth. Up the whole fucking time I was there, drinking constantly--I binged big time. I'm not proud of it nor do I brag--in fact I hope I never get that fucked up again. The climax was getting kicked out of a party and then getting abandoned at my hotel without as much as a see-ya-later. I smoked the rest of my crank (yes, smoked) and settled down with the pay porno channel to wait for my flight out. I had a big Xanex to crash on the plane with, so everything was cool. Problem was--I couldn't find it! I tore apart my room searching but no! And now that meth was really kicking in. Hours of flaccid masterbating did nothing to stave off the 10-hr long FREAK OUT I had in that horrible room. Convinced hotel security was "on to me", I cancelled my flight and had a major mind meltdown that I may never recover from. Finally some girl with red magic marker all over her face came to get me. They gave me a Vicoden and a Lortab. I finally passed out for a while, then got up for the crack and ketamine social that had been arranged for that evening. That went on until the next day. Finally I had had enough, and I'm pretty sure everyone else was sick of me. Escape was the only option. I packed up my room (in which I had piled the furniture up over the window) and realized my digital camera was gone!!!! The same one which I have used many times on this site and in all kinds of other cool ways and also cost me 400 bucks!!!!! I must have left it at the Yeti's house--but it's not there! Pawned by his useless house guests, no doubt! ARRRGH. But a blessing appears--I finally find my Xanex, of which I eat half and mercifully pass-out on the plane, snoring loudly all the way back to the East Coast. As soon as I arrive I find out I've overdrawn my cash account by 600.00 dollars.
As the Yeti later explained, "I know you want to move out here--I wanted to show you the really shitty side of Hollywood so you would think about it more". Ever since we rolled into LA 15 years ago in the old school bus, to behold El Duce crawling out of the cardboard box that was his home, I've been more than passingly acquainted with Hollywood at it's shittiest! In fact it's the ONLY side I've ever seen. So for now any plans of moving out there are up in the air. I'd really like to live out there but not at the expense of my savings and sanity. Time to re-group on that one for now. ANYHOOOOOO--we are working on new GWAR stuff in anticipation of recording later this year. There will be a GWAR Halloween tour but no new album until next year. In the meantime we are eagerly awaiting the release of DBX's sophomore slump, "Songs For The Wrong", on July 15th. A HUGE coast-to-coast tour and scrotal fudge -fest will begin in late July and continue until everybody is sick of us.
And I can no longer watch everybody make money off Ebay without me. That's right folks, I plan to make some of my ORIGINAL ARTWORK and collectable items available on Ebay, not just GWAR-related but all kinds of stuff. I plan on having my first auction soon so watch this space for details--wait ...here they are...
Starting on June 27th, 7:00 pm EST, the original painting, "Captain Groggy", will be auctioned on Ebay. "Captain Groggy" is a beautiful mixed media (mostly acrylic) original painting by none other than ME, Dave Brockie, better known as Oderus Urungus, lead singer of the most outrageous band in rock history, GWAR! This piece is 8 1/2 by 12 inches and features a sculptural frame and lettering. To see it better, go to http://oderus.com/graphics/art/groggy2.gif The painting features my usual obsessive attention to detail but with a little bit more of an attempt at clarity. The painting depicts the hapless pirate Captain Groggy, moments after he was marooned by his jeering crew. Groggy, deaf, dumb, and blind, had no idea what was happening to him and remained convinced he was still in command until his dying day. The final price DOES NOT include shipping or handling. This is a very slick and highly collectable piece that will certainly grow in value as my Slave Pit comrades and myself continue to proliferate the world with our madness
There are a couple new dribblings on the site but scarcely anything to crow over.
May 6th, 2003, The Hobbit Hole--And now it's time for GOLF! I am determined to break 80 this year. Last year was a bad year for my golf. I was shooting pretty well--my best round was an 84. But then I broke my pinky finger in a drunken flail-session. So I used that as an excuse to SUCK. Then I got on the Mars Golf team. Well, we tend to get pretty DRUNK (did I mention I drink?) while we play and that makes me suck HARDER. But no more fucking around. I am back swinging with a vengeance reserved for the insane and a road trip that threatens to engulf a nation with SARS. That's right I'm hitting the road again, this time all by myself and with no shows either! I am taking the faithful Sea-Slut out of port for a coast-to-coast journey through all of my friends refrigerators and of course the best golf courses this nation can offer. Various weirdos will join me along the way and the trip will finally beach itself in L.A., where I will be exhibiting the Oderus suit at my friends Bill's (from Green Jelly) gallery. It's called "Q" and the show opens May 29th. For all of you Californians who always fill the guestbook with requests for my presence, well here's your chance to actually TALK to me. Aren't you lucky! I may even do some stand-up/ spoken turd performances if I get the chance. Seeing as the new DBX record is not out until July 15th (and it's fucking great) this is a great chance for me to explore this world and my life without the encumberance of a tour! After and if I return we'll hit the road with DBX, and then I would expect the traditional GWAR tour at Halloween. Then we'll start working on a new GWAR album. Not quite the original schedule but what the hell. Well, we finally made 100,000 hits. If only it wasn't the same people over and over again. Not much new stuff, just some "Stupid" updates. I'll be leaving May 14th, if anyone out there wants to give me money, food, drugs or gas during my trip, leave a message in the book!
April 14th, The Hobbit Hole. Made you look! Don't I look happy! Wanna know why? It's done! The new DBX album, "Songs For the Wrong" is finished and has been scheduled for a July 15th release! And even better the album will retail for the LOW LOW price of only 9.99! So please don't copy it, I need your money. With songs (for the wrong) like "Hard For a Tard", and "Medieval Werewolf", this record is sure to both confuse and delight the legions, well, scores, well, people...who buy it. The record is a lot heavier than D.O.A.M. and doesn't feature such sprawling art-faggotry. It just rocks! A huge tour will come hard on the heels of the release. Hell yeah! Anyway, on to other matters--looks like our little war is winding down. Why is it that we can never seem to get the bad guy? Does anybody else agree with me that this whole thing seemed just a little too easy? Just like in Afghanistan, we go in, blow up some people (hopefully the right ones), hand out some M.R.E.'s, and proclaim victory! But where's Saddam? Where's Osama? Where's Mullah Omar, Uday, Tariq, and all the other senior leaders? Shit, we still can't find Eric Rudolph. But you have to hand it to the U.S. military. Truly an awesome spectacle that I enjoyed watching. But when I saw some foreign coverage of the conflict I got mad. It was way better than the American news. Way more combat footage. Apaches vomiting missles. Snipers at work. Squads assaulting buildings. Charred corpses. And the Chinese news had a cool 3-D spinning Bradley fighting vehicle that would occasionally burst into flames! Our news sucks, I don't care how many journalists die. David Bloom was whacked out on goofballs (or "go-pills", as they are called by the military). Thats why he dropped dead! His 39-year old body (uuuhh...same age as me...) couldn't take the strain of a 3-week meth meltdown. Plus the war and all. I kind of sat this one out. I didn't support the war but I didn't criticize it either. These people are going to do whatever the fuck they want. They didn't listen to the U.N. and they are not gonna listen to me either. I supported the troops--supported their right to not have to kill and maybe die, to not be horribly maimed, to not have to wander through the rest of their lives haunted by memories of insufferable agony. Supported the Iraqi people and their right not to be blown all up. But I did nothing to manifest my feelings. Because I've been to enough "protests" to know that a bunch of kids wearing black running briefly amuck in the streets ain't going to do shit either. My answer? Bong hits, bong hits of really good weed....and computer games. I like wargames especially. We're getting close to 100,000 hits! I'll have to do something special to commerate that...maybe a new page. Whoa! I almost forgot! The Slave Pit has moved--we are completely out of the old Chamberlayne Ave. location and into several "mini-Slave-Pits" scattered about town. It's quite nice actually. Quite nice because I managed to avoid almost all of the work Couple new gems out there on the DBX and F-Minus page. Now I'm off to catch me some SARS.
March 21st or something, 2003. What will it take for me tohave asolid shit? Like maybe consuming something other than Slim-Fast and coffee? Beer and Lebanese meatpies? Well, here's a picture of me frolicking in the bush during my recent visit to Botswana. I was there for the Franz List look-a-like contest.I'm happy to say we are hard at work (if you can call it work, which you can't) on the new DBX album, "Songs For the Wrong". We are officially in production at a top secret facility located in somebody's (Cory's) crappy basement (well, it's a lot nicer since we bought that 55-gallon tub of Fabrese). Scheduled for a August release, this deadline will almost certainly go unmet. Whether we are worshipping a black velvet painting of a mysterious canine named "The Duke", or employing a professional football player as our producer, we are not afraid of taking chances with other people's stuff. The production of this album reflects this asinine attitude. Rather than utilize the affordable yet high-quality digital format, we will record this newest opus onto a soggy waffle. Totally in the dark as to insignificant details such as what the songs are or when gigs will occur, we then force ourselves to play while wearing oven mits. This is because of the almost total lack of pre-production or effort of any kind. This is due to the woefully inadequate recording fund, which in turn is attributed to the our sagging record sales. With songs like...well, with songs, this album will have music on it, and when combined with sloppy production and packaging this record will certainly be lauded by critics as further evidence of the effect syphilitic brain lesions have on the artistic process.
In other news--the search for a new Slave Pit continues. No word as to whether there will be a GWAR-b-que this year. The Sims Snowboards come out this winter. I might go to Spain to work on a music video. Staples can hurt you. I saw an owl a few weeks ago. My friend Adam always kicks my ass at Combat Mission. Even when life is good, I make up stuff to whine about. People come up to me and bitch about how stupid the guest book is. We start work on a new GWAR album sometime this spring. There will be a huge GWAR boxed set coming out this fall. I owe a lot of money, but not to people. People owe me money. I always mean to brush my teeth twice a day but never do. At the gym, gay men constantly approach me. I will NEVER snort oxycontin's again--apparently people drop dead from doing that. The river is raging with muddy water. I had a great cheeseburger today. I sleep with my dog and he farts on me so bad it wakes me up. I'm recording my bowel movements for the new record. I can't decide where to go eat tonight. Put some new stuff on the DBX and F-Minus pages. Thats all for now.
Oh yeah, fuck this fucking war.
Feb. 24th, 2003, The Hobbit Hole. Whoa! A whole month went by and no fucking update. I was too busy drinking Slim Fast and eating cheesecake to notice. I've spent quite a bit of time lying around on my ass, watching T.V., playing computer games (Combat Mission-- Beyond Barbarrossa, my current fave) and in general being a lazy lout devoid of virtue. I bitch about my problems constantly but do nothing to solve them. Life has become an elaborate tapestry of excuses which perpetuate each other until the edge of oblivion. Even simple tasks like paying bills or updating this site seem ridiculously difficult (they're not). I asked Adam the other day why philosophy was important. I knew that 20 years ago! My brain is getting soft! I haven't written shit all year! No essays, no art, no nothing! And I claim to be an "artist". Bullshit! I'm a poser! At least currently. Well, the mere fact that I'm writing this update is hopefully a sign that I am beginning to shake off the lethargy that has gripped my being as of late. Fuck that, I'll blame winter. We went up north quite a bit in the latter half of 2002 so it seems like it's been cold for a couple eons or so. Give me the sun--I invoke you, great orb! O.K., so assuming the sun is going to come out again at some point, a quick update as to whats going on would seem to be in order and that is precisely why I am not going to give you one! Check the pages below for the occasional dribble. My personal focus is completing the art and songwriting process for the new DBX album. I have a painting in the "Round Painting" show at a local gallery/ restaraunt (Sweetwater) that I'm working on as well--that show opens in a couple of weeks.
People seemed to more upset at Michael Jackson than George Bush and I think that's bullshit. Jacko has never been convicted of any crime, yet he's treated like a criminal. Sure he paid off the kid he supposedly molested but that could have been a desicion on the part of his lawyers to end the affair quietly. Let me remind you to support the American justice system then surely you must support the idea that one charged of a crime must be tried and found guilty in order to be judged. But George Bush doesn't seem to prescribe to that theory. He is in the process of judging thousands of people (the poor slobs who are going to get incinerated in this upcoming war that gets closer everyday), yet does he give a shit about due process (the U.N. and it's never-ending series of mandates which add up to nothing, because our country is going to do whatever the fuck it wants to anyway)? What's worse, tonguing the ass of a young boy or dropping a bomb on him? Both scenarios suck (well, one licks...) but here's the dif--we don't know and never will whether Jacko stuck his dick (the only black part of him) in Macauly Culkin's ass or not, but we damn sure know what's going to happen when Bush invades Iraq. Lots of innocent people are going to die. But that's nothing new. UN sanctions have killed hundreds of thousands of Iraqi children since the end of Gulf War One, which is a scary term because it sounds like the decision to wage Gulf War Two is already a done deal. Here's another good one--Bush claims that we must disarm the Iraqi's because they in violation of the UN sanctions made against Iraq after "Gulf War One". But according to Bush, we are prepared to wage this war regardless of what the UN decides. So we're going to do whatever we have to do to enforce the UN mandates against Iraq, even when that very same body is telling us not to. And we get upset because Jacko makes his kids wear masks all the time? Kids love masks! When you are the child of Jacko everyday is Halloween, except you have no Mom!
Well I don't really know what the hell the point of that was but I feel better for saying it. Minscule updates in a couple of places. I'm off the couch and working on some cool shit--stay tuned.
Dec 31st, 2002, The Hobbit Hole.
A lot of people have been sending me this quote from Corey of Slipknot. He bitches about a bunch of shit and then disses GWAR. Check it out and then post it everywhere...
Slipknot frontman Corey Taylor's recent public prediction that the group's upcoming studio effort would be their last has touched off a sea of criticism among the band's fans who are hoping that Slipknot will continue to make albums and tour for many years to come. In order to clarify his recent statements and to set the record straight on the subject, Taylor posted the following message this past Friday (Dec. 20) on the Stone Sour message board: "You know me... I really don't care if anybody reads this, believes this or responds with more shit directed at me. I guess I'll set the record straight. "When I talk about the 'Knot, it is never pessimistic. It is pragmatic. It is never in a negative way, it is just how it is. NONE OF YOU HAVE ANY IDEA what goes on behind the curtain of that band. Do you know how many people from Slipknot I've talked to, besides [Stone Sour bandmate] Jim [Root], in the last six months? ONE. You wanna tell me how I'm supposed to feel upbeat about a band that is eating itself? "First of all, no one can touch what we did in the 'Knot. We accomplished something everyone said we couldn't do. We put out two of the best albums, in my opinion, of all time. I believe we can do one more album and go out on a high note. But as far as hanging out after we have lost our relevance? NEVER. I got one fucking word for you: GWAR. I will never do that, and I would never let that happen to a band I bled and almost went blind in one eye for, not to mention nearly losing my voice and losing the ability to sing. "It's this simple: I love the 'Knot. I have more than earned the right to talk about the future of the band, especially when there is so much shit going on behind the scenes that thankfully you guys don't see, and I would do everything in my power to keep from you, because if you don't like what I say (and when taken out of context, indeed it does appear like I'm talking shit) you would lose your fucking minds if you heard the REAL shit. "I have more respect for you guys than that. "This is true: there will be another Slipknot album, and another Slipknot tour. If you want me to lie to you, I'll tell you every-fucking-thing is absolutely hunky dorey. But if you know anything about me, I hate lies, and I don't like getting into the habit. I love you guys, but sometimes shit happens. Lucky for you, most of the shit will happen all over me. "As I was, Corey"
Well, Corey, if I may retort, I feel you would be better served keeping your whining trap shut. Everytime I read anything you say it is some piss-assed sulky BULLSHIT about how somebody had a fake laminate or how hot your overalls are or how you almost went blind over your band, didn't talk to each other for years or whatever. WAAAAAHHH! Grow up you big baby! We don't care about your rock 'n' roll soap opera, and your self-indulgent hissy-fits dilute and distract from the alleged potency of "the Knot". Take a page from Devo or GWAR and stick with the characters and the image they create. They are much more interesting than you are (which isn't saying much). But how could I doubt someone who has created "two of the best albums of all time". I guess you are also the guy who decides who makes the best cheesesteaks or serves the "greatest slice in town". My point is that self-annointed praise is bullshit! You are always going on about how great you are--cut it out! Do you think you're Muhammed Ali or what? I can just imagine your embarrassed bandmates eyes rolling behind their masks, as you launch into yet another long-winded and ultimately asinine tirade, the delivery of which has unfortunately become your trademark. No wonder they don't talk to you. And please stop saying "the Knot", it sounds stupid, like "the Nuge", or "the Maiden". And as far as relevance is concerned, I have one word for you--GWAR. The mere fact that you would link relevance with a word that means nothing underscores your moronic observations as actually being retarded. If you don't believe me, look up GWAR in the dictionary. Cultural events have relevance far longer than their actual occurrence, which means that even your crummy band will have relevance long after you break up, which will hopefully be soon. And GWAR will still be there, leading the insulting reverie, a festering stool on the doorstep of the music industry, unmarred and eternally stinky. It delights me no end that you think GWAR sucks. Maybe you can whine about it some more and we can get some free publicity. You are just too funny. A ninny placed on a podium is a ninny nonetheless. It's too bad that your band is "eating itself". You should eat a bowl of dick, maybe that would help. Long after "the Knot" has been reduced to a series of protracted legal battles, GWAR will remain an indelible blot on the fabric of our lives, and I will remain a dedicated, obscure, and in my own manner, relevent artist. People will eternally remember you as the scary clowns who and had the lead-singer that whined like a little bitch everytime he got in print. Maybe you'll think GWAR is relevent when Oderus rams his scaly cock up your ass, that is if you can stop orgasming for five seconds.
That's enough of that. Thanks for making it such a great year for GWAR, DBX and Slave Pit! All of our new shit is going over great and the tours were kick-ass! Too bad that Two Towers movie sucks...yeah I know, you can't believe I said that, but it's true...have a safe and happy New Years--we'll be back before ya know it but forget about us for now!
Nov. 26th., bliss!
Whew! Once again I have survived and am
back amongst you. Well, actually I'm here in this pool and
I don't know where the hell you are. And I don't care, as long as you're not in the pool...
I feel like I hardly know ye, lad! It's been so long that I've been at sea...plus my lap-top died...
Let me look at you jeez you are ugly why do you have the name of my band crudely scrawled on your forehead what?
You say that's a tattoo? You must be one of the guys who writes in the guestbook First things firstly--yes, it totally SUCKS
that we can't get out to California very often. We love our fans and we love playing there. But have you noticed that we don't
get shit for shows in L.A. or S.F. anymore? We can't come out there if we are going to eat shit, playing lesser venues than we
deserve. Not that we don't love playing in Petaluma or Orange County. But we used to be able to count on playing the Palace
and the Warfield as well and now that never happens too messy or whatever so as a result we only get out there once every
couple of years. Count your blessings! You could live in Figi and never see GWAR at all. Now--yes, I do read the guestbook,
at least enough to ignore 99% of what is in there. I put the guestbook there for one reason--so you could contribute to the site.
And of course to feed my pathetically propped up ego. If there is one thing stupider than some of the shit in that book then it's
the fact that some people actually get upset by it! I personally would like to see more sick graphics and links to cool sites in there
--it is your chance to school me! So anyway I'm out in a couple of days to "wrap" up the year with a "flurry" of December shows.
It's been a great year and it's high time for a rest. But we'll be back at it before you can say "Zarathustra". 2003 will see the
release of a new DBX record (summer I hope) and the incredible Sims/GWAR snowboards in time for next season. I don't
think there will be a hell of a lot of touring going on, at least for GWAR anyway. But I'm not even worrying about it--all things
in good time! Updates on the GWAR, DBX, and Stupid pages!
Sep. 17th, 2002, Slave Pit is slowly being overwhelmed by the forces of jihad (the new owners are from Lebanon). I returned from tour to find our beloved studio was in a state of upheaval. The whole front of the building has been redone and the yard fully graded. A new building stands where our beloved basketball court used to be. We are being compacted towards the center of the complex as the new owners (members of Al-Queda) renovate the areas we have vacated. So, after the GWAR tour is over we will be moving the Slave Pit to a top-secret new location located deep within the bowels of the earth. We shed a tear for our beloved Slave-Pit, where so much great art and music has been born! But change must be embraced and the reformulation of our business into a more efficient format is essential to our continued existence. Hurumph! Well anyhoo. What the hell is up! Tell me that you missed me, give me a big wet kiss! Let's rub noses like Eskimoes do. It's fun, but it won't pay the rent. First off let me say THANKS to everyanybody that went or didn't go see DBX on our most recent tour. We had a blast! Captain Groggy and crew scream "Ahoy" as they dock the S.S. Sea Slut in it's home port and set about blowing all their loot on a three-week drinking binge. Tour is over but not to be forgotten! The highlight came on the last night when I dove naked into a weird fountain that was in front of the stage. Then I dived in again, even though I knew a kid had pissed in it. So we are back safe and sound and already hard at "it"--preparing for the gigantic "Bitch is Back" GWAR Halloween tour! Check gwar.net for dates, etc...I will be updating a bunch of pages before I leave in Oct. specifically the GWAR, DBX, and Stupid pages (yeah, I did some pretty stupid shit while I was on tour...) so check back soon. I have a new page I've been working on so hopefully I'll get that up too...which means I probably won't. And yes I had to endure the Redskins getting crushed first-hand. Talk about a set-up for failure! Because of the tour, I hadn't seen a single game except for the highlights, and all the hype was huge, and a bunch of us went and got really drunk and happy and then the game started and then AAAAAAAAHHH! O.K., I'm done. As far as everything else that's going on fuck it! Want your world to be a better place? Turn off the news! Nothing better than tour to disconnect you from reality. Weeks without the world's woes. Ahhh, bliss! See ya on the GWAR tour!
July 26th, the Slave Pit. It's been a rough summer ain't no joke. The economy is reeling and the effect on us has been catastrophic. It's not just Enron and WorldCom suffering (yeah, right...I mean I can't believe they are talking about sending these corporate thieves to jail. Isn't it fucking OBVIOUS? If I stole 20 million bux, I bet they'd lock me up). Underground artists and their labels are just getting wasted. But fear not. We will prevail, we will triumph, we will go across the street in a couple of minutes and buy a six-pack. SOOOOO, to update and respond to your many questions, first off I am sad to say there will be no GWAR-b-que this summer. The buildings new owners are in the process of grading the yard and right now it is a wasteland of rubble and screaming earth-moving machines. The DBX tour starts in a week or so and then the GWAR tour is not long after that. So maybe in between the two, sometime in Sep., we'll just have to see. Got a new page up plugging the studio--we have been very busy lately! Plus some DBX updates--the first show at Va. Beach has been CANCELLED because the club shut down so spread the word and that word is shit! It sux, I'm sorry, there's nothing I can do..etc..etc...ALSO just because DBX is not coming to any Northeast dates doesn't mean that we are dissing you. We are just waiting to play our favorites haunts (like Philly, Rochester, etc.), in Nov. after the GWAR tour is over. So hang in there! I won't be able to get up my "Red Brotherhood" page for a while--because I'm lazy! Here's photgraphic proof that I hung out with Tommy Lee (once).
Why am I holding my penis? Why am I always holding my penis? Why am I
always rubbing/stroking/ thinking about/ trying to get other people to touch/
sticking in a can of stewed tomatoes/ my penis? Tell me with your mouth. Well,
we're back at ya with the big DBX tour. We'll be playing a lot of new shit
and old poop, but we'll also have urine. We won't start work on the new album
this fall because I'm still writing the damn thing and the label is broke
anyway. Well, I'm out of here to go look at a van for the DBX tour. I will
spend a bunch of money on only to drive it into a ravine. Hopefully that will
be after the last show. And by the way, regarding the guestbook, if people
want to write about football, write about how much they hate football, or
write nothing at all who gives a fuck! I just can't believe people get upset
about something so stupid. And speaking of stupid, there's an update there
See ya on, under, or next to the road!
May 24th, 2002, back in the Slave Pit. My stinking apologies for not updating in the last million years but hey I was out ravaging the world. FUCK the WWF for canceling our New York show. I know a lot of Scumdogs were very disappointed and I pray that you squelched your unmet lust for fake blood by killing those responsible for whoever it was that fucked up in the first place. On a positive note (HIV positive, that is...) we did succeed in getting back into Canada for the first time in eight long years. And we were rewarded with hanging out with some of the CRAZIEST GWAR fans ever, turning out in smelly droves to worship their cannibalistic overlords! So the BLOOD DRIVE pauses for the nonce, to reawaken again this fall in it's most revolting incarnation yet! Thanks Want to send out all love to Ben and the guys in SOILENT GREEN. In case you didn't know they wrecked their van halfway through the tour in a near-fatal accident outside of Chicago. Ben and company are recovering well and will be back at ya before you can say "Last Mardi Gras I ate vomit out of an open sewer". Look for a link soon where you can bid on some GWAR collectibles to help with their medical bills. I know the guest book went down and we are taking steps to correct that. Like by getting one that goes up. So what to do for the rest of the summer? WELL--first off we are starting production on a new GWAR music video--"Immortal Corrupter", to be directed by Don Drakulich, better known as Sleazy P. Martini! There will be no editing of the song, no "safe" version made in the lame hope that MTV will play it. No way! We are making a video for us and our fans to love and enjoy for centuries to come. That means tons of death, blood, and hatred, set to the sounds of one the heaviest GWAR songs ever recorded. It will be included on a compilation DVD of every single GWAR music video ever made, and that includes many ancient ones you probably never have seen before. More on the DVD front--by early fall, Metal Blade should release both "Skulhed...face" and "Live From Antarctica" on DVD, along with special bonus footage of stuff I won't tell you about! MORE--DBX is back at work on the new album-- tentatively entitled "The Brockie Horror Picture Show". After we are done with that we are back on the road--that's right a coast-to-coast DBX tour goes out in Aug. for about 6 weeks! So it's busy busy busy with a new studio phase to bring you the new material that you crave so badly! My new page (Chronicles of the Brotherhood of the Red Hand) should be up within a week, so check back soon!
UPDATE ARCHIVEMarch 28th, Slave Pit. Weird thing happened yesterday. I was sitting in my office, doing bong hits (that reminds me...yes I know I thought I'd be done with bong hits by this time too and now I realize I never will be and I'm GLAD!) anyway my phone rings. I stare at the caller I.D. and don't recognize the number, but take the call anyway because it's local and generally speaking the kind of people I don't want to hear from aren't from around here ANYWAY I take the call and a voice says "hello is this Dave?" to which I reply "yes"(because I was) and this guy says "this is Brian Paulson,"like he knows me. I assume he does, and I know him, and that any second I'm gonna remember him, so I say, all friendly-like, "hey man, what's up?" to which he says "I want to fuck your fat head" and hangs up. I mean what the hell am I supposed to do with that? O.K., we're outta here on the BLOOD DRIVE. Hey check this out.
Thats right, it's me and Screech from "Saved by the Bell". Screech came out and hung out with us in Minneapolis. He was bummed because he can't get any work. Just recently he had been passed over for the role of "Shaggy" in the new Scooby-Doo movie. He even demonstrated his "Shaggy walk", and I must admit it was pretty damn good. Maybe on this next tour I can meet Gary Coleman. So hopefully see ya out there...we are supposedly going to Canada but I hesitate to even hope it will happen. So I say NOTHING until the dates are confirmed. There is a new page up on the site--ARRRR! Some of you might be acquainted with my fascination with all things piratical and so I decided to start sharing some of my research! I'm sure you'll agree this stuff is hilarious. I start the page with the history of the most notorious pirate to ever live, Blackbeard! I have a new page brewing that I'll get up soon. Enjoy!
March 16th, Slave Pit. Fixed broken links on Anton page so it does what it says it should! So now you can see my shit go ALL BIG. Had a great time on tour and didn't start getting really fucked up til' the last week or so. Just got a couple of weeks off and then it's back out, playing absolutely the crappiest clubs that you could imagine in our quest to find out what the purpose of the quest is! It's an amazing day so I'm not gonna sit here very long. All I want to do is play golf (well about ten other things) but in the end it is a beautiful proposition--GOOF OFF. Then it's back to slitting throats and filling moats. As far as tour plans after that we'll see. Definitely a huge Halloween tour. Also DBX shows whenever we can squeeze them in. Not much of an update but what the hell! See ya out there BLOOD DRIVE 2002 resumes it's carnage!!
Feb. 28th, The Electric Factory. The BLOOD DRIVE rages onwards! This tour has been huge and the next leg starts on March 28th. And rejoice, our Northern brothers, GWAR will return to Canada! The last four shows of the second leg will be in wonderful Can-na-nan-na-da. That is unless they succeed again in stopping us at the border. I swear by Odin's beard that they shall not and once again the frozen north shall receive bloody buggery it so sorely craves. Thus--even as I loll about the tour bus in a drugged and drunken stupor, whiling away the hours in the exchange of banal pleasantries and the composition of haiku hurridley scribbled (with a crayon) on scraps of used toilet tissue, I still have managed to update my site. Yes, today marks the return of the F-Minus Art Gallery hosted by none other the the dickish demigod Anton Reemcobb! So I still haven't got all the old pages over here yet but the site will continue to expand. Many of you guys have expressed a desire to have more "Stupid" rants so here's a good one. It's not so much stupid as just gross. I woke up this morning in my usual shape--dirty, disheveled and diseased, reeling from the previous nights debauchery. Coffee was my goal and soon the magic elixer coursed through my veins, causing a sudden urge to shit. So acute was the attack I immediatley felt "a peeper", or in other terms a "turtle head", or even "a crayon". I was about to shit myself and barely made it to the crapper in time. Dropping my filthy load, I was soon wiping my stinking crack and exiting the shit-chamber, which greedily slurped down my excrement. I sat down in the dressing room and prepared to waste as much time as possible. Unfortunatley I felt a wet smear in my pants as I settled into the comfy couch. Reaching into my pants, I withdrew my hand in horror as it encountered a clod of wet poo. Within seconds I was in the bathroom, removing my pants and finding that an errant clump of crap had somehow lodged in a fold of my too-large undies. Now it was smeared all over them. I hurridly removed my clothes and threw the undies away, cursing the pastrami and egg sandwhich I had eaten at five a.m. As I bent over to remove my socks, I was seized by a sudden coughing fit. As I did so a final chunk of shit flew out of my ass and onto the wall, slowly leaving a brown smear as it slid to the ground. THANKS for helping make the BLOOD DRIVE the biggest GWAR tour in years!
FEB. 1st, 2002, somewhere on the road with the BLOOD DRIVE. Well HELL YEAH. The GWAR tour is kicking ass. The album is selling great and all of a sudden everyone is saying, oh, excuse me, they are SCREAMING GWAR GWAR GWAR! And we won't stop until they do! The crowds are the biggest we have had in years and our tour bus has little T.V's in the bunks. It's literally one giant rolling cum-dumpster and personal jack-off booth (for 12 people). O.K., just to answer some stupid questions--no, that is not Slymenstra impaled on Oderus's spike on the new album cover. We love Slymenstra and she is and always be GWAR woman. But she has a very happening solo-thing going on now, so she missed this tour. It doesn't mean anything more than that. The new GWAR show is just a spectacular than ever--maybe more so. And the music is awesome. Well, slowly this site continues to grow. I just bought a digital camera and can update from the road at will so hell yeah! The F-Minus art gallery should be ready in a couple of days as well. So it will be touring until the summer, then recording a new DBX album, with some DBX touring after that, and then a huge GWAR Halloween tour--then who knows! It seems the sky is the limit at this point--GWAR is back with a fury that shall lay all usurpers low. The band that made KISS put their make-up back on has returned in the style that our fans have been begging for--and that style is METAL. See ya on the top of the death-pile with my battle axe betwixt yer ears. HAIL!
New Years Eve, 2001. Happy New Year's you magnificent bastards. Happy New years all you beautiful bitches. It is I, Dave Brockie, your faithful correspondent on the front lines of the love war. Well, I can't find a fucking party tonight. So we're hunkered down in the Slave Pit, ceaselessly toiling to bring you the tour you've been waiting for. Half the electricity went out today and it's cold as shit. But my pinky is out of the cast and that makes me happy. OK, I know the site has been through some weirdness, but we are finally back up for real at oderus.com. Thanks Buzz! This is the new home for a whole new chapter of fun--all the fun we can have we will have when we have it here. Well, what can ya say about this year other than that we lived through it. Which is more than a lot of dead people can say. We're coming at ya with the bitterest batch of blood yet brewed. We are steeped in venom as we launch our most horrific assault yet. Happy New Year's. Happy, happy fucking new years MY ASS! Pages, guest books, chat room, all will be added slowly until they all return. This is the home of my web hate until the power goes out. Go see Lord of the Rings. John, your Giants sure did show some stuff. Which makes me sick. Well at least we beat up N.O. Anyway, I now, thanks to the "new way" (thanks Hitler... I mean Jesus!) I will update this site with the ease of a random thought! Incriminating photographs of my bandmates! Sound files of women fucking! All this and half as much elsewhere awaits you. Our boys are battle-hardened by the internet. Video games have taught us how to kill. The young lions of America have leapt with talons blazing. Teenagers are reduced to slag. Happy New Year's my hairy ass. Well, I'm gonna party anyway. And I'm going to toast to the dead. And I'm going to resolve to take better care of myself and everybody else. And tomorrow everything will be different. Thanks for the dreadlocks!
Sun., Nov. 17th, 2001. This sight is going DOWN. Netscape
has a "new" way of doing
it's free-web-site thing that will mean the death of this one. I am not being "censored"
by Netscape in any way shape or form! Rather, the site is being moved to a new server
and in the future will be edited using real web page making software rather than this
dumbed-down crapinzola! It means all good things--more space, better load times,
sound, flash, whatever I can come up with will be easier than ever to achieve. I will
finally have my own domain name! Looks like the big day is Dec. 12th. A NEW SITE!
This site will stay up for a while so archive faves if you wish. I plan to transfer all the
best content to the new site anyway (so why bother). There will be a link for you on this
page showing you the new way, and you can always get there through gwar.net. So this
site will no longer be updated, revised, or make any sense whatsoever! I tried to do so
today and lost the chat room AND my cub scout photo! Now they have yanked the
guest book! So much wisdom lost. Plus you may have noticed that several of the links
no longer work. I didn't spend hours doing bong hits, staring at this screen, so you
couldn't enjoy the fruits of my doo-doo! I know, you're sad. We've had so much fun
here! Considering that I didn't put up the counter until the site was over a year old (and
it's a year-and-a-half-old now), and we have over 38000 hits, I say shit yeah! So hang in
there. On Dec. 12th this site will live again, in an amazing new manner. So after my
debacle in L.A., it's work, work, work, working on the greatest GWAR show ever! What
else could suffice other than the greatest show ever to support the greatest GWAR
album ever. "Violence Has Arrived" is doing GREAT--spread the word! Convince the
unbelievers who think we forgot how to play HEAVY FUCKING METAL that we have
returned!!!! Tour begins in Jan. so watch out. Some dates are confirmed in the "Blood
Drive 2002" Tour. We are going to tour A LOT in 2002, and the show is totally SICK!
Again, check gwar.net Still have not figured out what's up with any new video. Still
have not got ONE dreadlock in the mail. C'mon! Send me your dirty hair! All I need
ONE crusty to go skin and I'm set (details below). (Dreadlock update--starting to get
TONS of them---thanks!)New GWAR video for "VHA" coming at some point along w/
a DVD of ALL the GWAR music videos! Live bootleg GWAR and DBX CD's out soon
(maybe?)! There will be a new DBX CD in late 2002 and probably a DBX tour this
coming summer. So thats basically it. Goodbye site, hopefully they'll have a link to the
new site, if not get there through gwar.net It's been fun and we'll see ya out there, and
oh yeah John, THE GIANTS STILL SUCK!!!!
Oct 13th, 2001, the blackest days our country has ever
faced...oh, what a difference a
day makes. And you thought the Challenger disaster was the biggest thing ever. Who
could ever have been prepared for the enormity of the devastation, the appalling shock
as the blows fell, the stunned aftermath and finally the abruptly darkened road ahead.
That's right, I'm talking about the new GWAR album "Violence Has Arrived!" out on
Nov. 6th! Our heaviest slab yet, in keeping with the titanic nature of our times! Buy and
die! O.K.... We'll we're back, gentle bohabs, from yet another debauched re-botch. DBX
toured twice this Spring-Fall and really only about 30% of the shows totally sucked. No
one died and so far no one has been born (yet). I know, I know! You want an update,
you crave new material but most of all you can't wait to get your furry mits on the new
GWAR album. OK, here's what I'm gonna do--new page about the Sep. 11th attacks
("Violence has Arrived" link below) and what's to come --I think our leaders are
painting as palatable a picture as possible, but make no mistake, the U.S. and the
people that live there (plus lots of other people--in short THE WORLD) are facing the
greatest crisis of their (our) lives--Terror War! No respect to convention, bio-terrorism,
invade from within--OUCH! Anyway, get ready, 'cause here it comes...DEATH (or
glory?). Ditching the gwar e-mail link--just too many to keep up with. E-Mail Buzz with
interview requests. Hard Rock thing is on again but don't have date yet. If you want to
get a message through to me sign the guest book. So we're back in Richmond, waiting
for the gas, throwing down on the new GWAR show, "Blood Drive 2002". Both
Maguire and Gorman have returned to band with their filthy peers--the quest, as usual,
plunder, spoils, war and murder. Rumors of a DVD featuring ALL of the GWAR music
videos (including the new one we hope to start soon) abound. Also soon to come (I
know I always say that), a Duke Hoody(hooded sweatjacket, you boob!), yes, featuring
you guessed it the one and only Duke. That dog on black velvet thing is apparently a
lot bigger than I thought it was! Send me JPG's. Also I'm pleased to announce the
"Donate a Dreadlock to the Creation of the new Oderus Beard Contest!" Thanks right,
simply send a dreadlock, or dreadlocks, or your friends dreadlocks to : Dreadlock, 2010
Chamberlayne Ave., Richmond, Va. 23222 and you will get the glow of pride only a
true GWAR fan who has behaved in a selfless (or violent) manner in order to help his
masters could possibly ever have. Top 50 dreadlocks will recieve FREE passes to the
new GWAR tour in 2002! (passes for the dreadlocks, not you) This is a totally
top-secret contest run by ME designed to get your dirty hair! So tell everybody! Animal
hair is fine too! Think of the joy of seeing your hair (or your animal's hair) dangling
from my bloodsoaked face! Cool! Get on it! Hmmm...what else...nothing!
Hello kiddies. I hope you enjoyed your summer as much
as I did. I only wish I could
remember what I did. There was a lot of drinking involved, of that much I'm sure. I'm sad but
satisfied. Sad because my vacation is over in 2 more days, when I return to the highways of
this fair land to assault myself with yet another DBX tour. Sad because the AC doesnt work in
the van. But am I bitching? YES! I mean no. It will once again be my pleasure to entertain
and tantilize you with rumors of the unholy new GWAR album, "Violence Has Arrived", out
on Nov. 6th!!!! Ask Buzz--it rules. And thats why I'm satisfied. Buy enough merch and we
may play some tracks off the new album! And I mean over the P.A. or maybe in the van
while you're getting molested! JEEZ why is my sink spewing out brown sludge out the
bottom. I'm a little sad that I was so wasted at the GWAR-b-que that I was incapable of
standing up during a large part of the DBX set. Staring at my bass, I couldn't remember the
most basic of chord progressions. I simpered helplessly, drooling, as people in the crowd
yelled at me to "get off the stage!". Pathetic! There were tons of people at the party that I
hadn't seen in a long time and wanted to talk to but instead screamed or vomited at them. But
everybody seemed to have a great time. It was definetly the largest one ever--it looked like a
lot of people were there, but then again I was seeing at least double. Thanks to all the bands
that played and all the freaks that showed up. See ya again next year! Anyway not much of an
update--just new DBX dates.
Monday, July 30th, 2001. By the time you read this the
new GWAR album will be completed. Yes, it's
fucking finished! And I am confident when I say that it is the coolest fucking album weve ever done
since the last one. There is an update on the GWAR page--I finally managed to get Oderus off his
warty ass and gimme a cup full of runny smegma. I mean write an update. He breaks more computers.
Ive been privileged enough to be able to hear the tracks and they fuckin rule. I think it's the heaviest
shit they've ever done. Wait a minute, what the hell am I talking about? Of course I've heard the
tracks--Im in the band! Wait a minute! What the hell am I saying? No...yes! Anyway fuck all that.
How about David Cross wearing that Fuck all yall ball cap in Spin. Didnt we write that line for
Skulhedface? Where's my check? Ripped again. Well Im glad its him at least. Heres some good
news--the release date of the new GWAR album has been bumped up to Nov. 6th! Why? Well, Im
sure it wasnt to make YOU happy, though I know it will. Maybe Oderus will explain further on the
GWAR page. Maybe not! On the DBX front--the album is still doing great! A cult classic, thanks for
making it that way. Continue to subject your friends to it, it appears that they are buying them!
Everybody has to hear that "Masterbate" song. Full update on the DBX page, were hitting the road
again. Are we crazy? Hells yeah! Also big news--Im having an actual honest to goodness art opening
in Richmond, at Sweetwater Restaurant located at the corner of Laurel and Broad Streets. The big day
is Sunday, August 12th. Ill be showing graphic work spanning the last 20 years (OMIGOD), not just
GWAR stuff but all kinds of crap, all of it unique, collectable, and moderatly priced! And it's all going
to be bolted to the walls so don't even think about it. Itll be up for a month so try to check it out if yer
in the area. Rumors of the GWAR-b-que are rampant--look for an announcement soon! OK, now that
the site is updated (stupid update as well), the album is in the can, and the DBX tour is booked, know
what I do? VACATION!!!!!!! Next update in late August!
Thursday, June 14, 2001
I'M BAAAAACK. More or less
in one piece despite my best efforts to
destroy myself. Well, what can I say except WOW! THANK YOU for making the DBX album and tour
such a success. "Diarrhea of a Madman", is selling briskly, and that means people are totally loving
the record! And it's totally fucked-up and wrong! And they love it! We love the wrong. I mean, they
quoted "Lady Died" in the CMJ New Music July issue! And we all know who "they" are. Now I've
surely been targeted for death by the S.A.S. If I expire in a fiery tunnel crash, start asking questions.
The tour---arrrgh---where can I possibly begin? Everywhere we went we met great fans and had total
fun. The actual performances were the stuff of legend. If you were there you know what I mean. If you
missed it then you can catch us in Sep. when we do the whole thing over again. And this time we will
have a Duke t-shirt for sale! Some shout-outs (sorry if you think you deserve one and don't get it) first
of all the DUKE, all praise him (look for a Duke page soon), the dude who drove all the way from
Alaska to see us in Seattle, then had to drive all the way back to Alaska (that's a long way), the girls
who flew all the way from England to see us in New York (then died there), Gds_Starfury for being the
wargame, weed, and woman-loving hedonist I knew he would be (love the new campaign so far), the
guy I bitch-slapped then kissed on the mouth in Toledo (totally loyal, devoted, and ANNOYING fan),
the guy Brad punched in South Bend (the smack heard round the room), Johnny Chainsaw for being all
the things the DUKE teaches us humans to be, all the cops who never fucked with us (unbelievable), all
the trucks that didn't cream us as we drove around with no taillights, and especially to the dude in Ft.
Collins that nailed me with that 1/8 full 24 ounce Bud can right between songs. Nice shot dude! If I
ever find you, I'm going to bust your grill so hard you'll shit teeth for a week. So as I said I'm back,
busily working on the new GWAR album, scheduled for release Nov. 22nd. A lot of mutants are
patiently awaiting this latest chapter in GWAR's reign of musical terror, and as promised the album is
taking a more metal direction. Not that GWAR is going to get all serious. That simply could never
happen. But we want to make a METAL album. That's all the reason I need. Because it's what GWAR
feels like doing. Many in the legions of Ragnaroker's have asked about a Halloween tour--I say I
don't know or care. Yes, I know your desire to bathe in the presence of GWAR is nearly impossible to
suppress. Let me say I care not. Of far greater importance is creating a new album and show that is
the most incredible GWAR yet. No more slavish devotion to out-dated, however cherished, tradition.
GWAR must become like the Wolf to survive. A worm-gnawed, pus-filled, gargantuan beast filled with
distemper, but a wolf nonetheless. Sometimes a wolf must consume it's own to survive. First, the new
album shall explode on your head (Nov. 22nd!!!!) In it's deadly wake, we shall summon GWAR from
the depths of the frozen wastes they call home (early 2002), and you will be glad of it. There remains
the possibility of a few un-announced shows at Halloween, arranged at the last possible second, in the
virtually unassailable centers of GWAR-culture (you know who you are!) but no major GWAR tour
until the release of the new album! But when it comes all of my bragging shall pale in to insignificance
to all of the bragging I shall do then. Stay tuned for info on the upcoming GWAR-B-Que, and look for
updates over the next couple weeks. And by the way thanks for supporting the site!
Feb. 23, 2001, Slave Pit. Hello kiddies. We are hard at
work here in the pit, as progress continues on
the new GWAR record. "It's Sleazy" has been out almost three weeks, and seems to be doing pretty
well, despite a spate of pissy reviews (from our fans). DBX "Diarrhea of a Madman" out on March
20th! Updates on the Whargoul, DBX, and F-Art Gallery. Will update the DBX tour schedule and the
"Stupid" report in a couple of days. Besides that all is well! I do read all of your mail so keep it
coming, I just can't respond to many of your requests for personal articles, samples of spit, used
Q-Tips, soiled pantaloons etc...a track from the new DBX album can be found at mp3.com...it's called
"Too Much Stuff", check it out. Here's your chance to contribute to the new GWAR album... send
your suggestions for song and album titles and subjects to my guestbook...get some lively debate going
in the book instead of a bitch-slapping contest (even though those are fun too...). I will take your ideas
and pretend they were mine. I've done that for years. It's great. You'll get no credit, I will become rich.
If you ever even dream of taking legal action you will be killed, your body never found. You will simply
disappear, and no one will care...
Happy birthday to me, Happy Birthday
well not quite yet, but this site is almost a year
old! The official day is April 9th, 2001, so you guys are supposed to send presents to the site. As will I! I already
have! Indeed! New shit through-out, and a whole brand-new page! Okay stop with the ! Whew. I'm exhausted.
Don't you hate Hollywood celebrities? Has there ever been a more self-congratulatory group of beings ever in
existence? So much so that they require an entire "awards season" to properly honor themselves. Sitting there
watching Sig Weaver on the Tonight Show, hearing her talk about the 49 million dollars she feels she deserves to
be in the new "Alien" movie and these million dollar gowns and "J-Lo" and her self-proclaimed diva-dom I
got news, you are no diva, diva's are talented and articulate and versatile, and for all of your "flavor" you are a
one-dimensional caricature of talent with a face like a man and a big fat ass (which I would die to hump). These
people are so smug that they dare to tell us they are great. Great people never tell you they are great. I will make
up my own mind as to what I think is "great", thank you very much Hollywood, which by the way is internationally
despised as the home of SHIT movies made by people who make altogether too much money by making shit
movies and telling people they are great. You know what I think about "awards season"? Fuel-air bomb. Ever
heard of those? The ones we used on those surrendering Iraqi's horrific fusing of gas and air, the very sky is
alight liquefied then evaporated flesh Hollywood screams somehow airlift out Steve Martin those that
escape are forced onto a single highway rising up from the sea of flame and at the mouth of this pass is Amed
Bin Laden, gripping the handles of a Soviet 12.7 mm AA quad-mount, firing at the fleeing celebrities, exploding
bullets ripping through Julia Roberts flesh her body rolling into a ditch but I digress. I am going to post an
extra-special first year anniversary present on the 9th, a present many of you have been asking about for a
longtime. But it's gonna be a surprise. This will be my last homepage update for a while. I'm going to devote the
rest of this month exclusively to the GWAR album and then hit the road with DBX. Thanks for all the suggestions
for titles and such, I'm using none of them. If you haven't bought my new album, "Diarrhea of a Madman", do so!
If your favorite music store doesn't have it, threaten to turd the rug! See ya on tour!
March 20th, 2001, Slave Pit Central. The DBX record is
out today so buy, buy, buy!
We've done something rather novel with this release. You see, I want to make a lot of
money off of this project. WAY more than I would off a GWAR release. But I figure
that this record probably won't sell as many records as a GWAR album. So .I have
decided to charge a lot more for this album. Like 100 bux or so . that way I get more
money. But here's the problem. Seems the record stores have some kind of problem
with me charging that much for a record. So the record will be sold exclusively out of
an old yellow ice-cream truck I bought from a bunch of carnival people. But seriously
folks. First off, don't waste your time or money on "Enemy at the Gates". I've been
looking forward to that movie for a year and it fucking sucks (sound familiar?). And
it's not because they had a love story in it. It's because they had a love story that was
totally under-written and unsupported, delivered by actors hamstrung by inane and
obvious dialogue. Enough about that. I've been working on the page some, adding stuff
here and there, but haven't had a lot of time so nothing too major. Casey and Zack are
here and we should start tracking on the new album next week. The word is heavy. We
have officially completed the "experimental, silly, and retarded" stage of GWAR's
development. Yeah, I know we've kinda been going off the deep-end lately (wait til' you
hear the DBX album), but understand--unless GWAR constantly changes and reforms
the malleable stuff of creation, then we become boring and predictable. I am SO SICK
of bands that take themselves so seriously and crank out the same album over and over
again until sinking into inevitable obscurity. No two GWAR albums sound alike and
they never will. So for those more than a little befuddled at the last few chapters of our
history I say this-you have been maneuvered and manipulated into a false sense of
security so you can be utterly annihilated with the next GWAR album that shall be the
most devastating death-blow yet! So hang in there gentle bohab, all will be made clear
WHENEVER I FEEL LIKE IT! Stupid update, new links page.
Feb. 13, 2001, Slave-Pit Inc. Turf got a collar yesterday.
It's red and it looks very nice
in contrast to his fur. It looks like the weird Iranian guys have bought the Slave Pit. I
don't know if they really are weird or not, I just have that WHITE knee-jerk that ALL
foreigners are WEIRD. I should know, I'm one of them. But I wander. Hello, dear
reader, and welcome to this, the latest update of the Dave Brockie home page. Not only
my zits have been popping lately , with 2001 shaping up as a great year for the Slave
Pit, well at least for me. We may have to move but so what--this place is a dump!!! "It's
Sleazy" is finally out--lemme know what ya think! DBX "Diarrhea of a Madman" out
Mar. 24th, with a nationwide tour to support it in April (check the DBX page for
confirmed shows). Check this out. I just got back from LA where I hooked up with
Mars Golf at Malibu Country Club. THEY RULE. I'm on the team and so is Oderus!
So is my new weird alter-ego, Canny McKracanerknee, rustic Scottish golf
commentator. They gave us (me and my teammates, who included Tommy Lee and a
bunch of other rock stars I didn't recognize) a ton of clubs to try out. I whacked pretty
well. Then it was off to Tommy's Malibu mansion to get drunk as hell. The whole time
I'm saying "what the hell am I DOING here?". Now I'm back in squalor, and things
seem to make sense again. Life is simple and joyous...write songs, finish up old art
projects, pet my winky, and in general just prepare for the ball-busting pulse-pounding
chest-splitting ripping out the lungs and holding them in either hand to the sun
murderous mania that is the DBX tour! I mean, I've never done a van tour before! And
yes, one of those niggily little projects that never seem to get done is Whargoul, which
is totally done, just awaiting my lame ass to send the files to the printer. There are
rumors of a Sleazy DVD and a new GWAR video of the Halloween 2000 show coming
out this summer. Would you believe I just got Napster last week? Thats about it
knubbily ones. Keep your comments coming, so I may promptly ignore them.
Jan.25, 2001, somewhere deep within the ethreal colon
of Anton Reemcobb. Hey-di -ho! I'm happy
today! We just wrote our first semi-OFFICIAL song for the new GWAR album! It took a couple
practices but we are starting to ROCK (well, smoke rocks anyway). Semi-non-official title of this 1st
song--"Wild Women, White Russian", though Casey thinks thats too silly. All I can say about our new
album is that it is gonna be brutal! Hanging out with Lamb of God has really re-awakened my love for
heavy music--but I still love the cheesy shit...maybe we'll call the new album "Brutal
Cheese..."...maybe not. Anyway welcome to the latest update, To address some broad issues--GWAR
is gonna try to get into Canada again this year, so don't worry, we're gonna make it back. We've got a
new dude working on it and as long as we don't fuck up (like we always do) we should get back to my
HOMELAND (thats right!) as part of the GWAR 2001 Halloween Tour. As usual I am overwhelmed
by the amount of mail I get. I answer what I can, don't be pissed if you don't get a reply. I read it all
and appreciate yer wretched opinions, however insignificant they may be. Indeed, your oniony
carbuncle hath made mein member swell. Oh yeah. In general I can't send autographs or any shit like
that. The other day we got a picture of a guy with a tattoo of Balsac on his ass. I'm going to LA to play
golf with Tommy Lee. New rant on the "rantings" page. "It's Sleazy" out Feb. 6th! DBX album out
Mar. 20th! DBX nationwide tour starts in April--stay tuned for dates! "It's Sleazy" will be out on DVD
later this year, with some extra stuff. We're still trying to get our totally re-done GWAR pages up, so
until we get the new server happening, these pages stay here. Finally got a working and viewable guest
book happening. I've been at the Slave Pit twelve straight hours and it's time to go home. Alright I lied
about being in Anton's colon.
Jan. 4th, 2001, Slave Pit. 2001. Sure has a nice ring
to it, hmm? Probably the coolest sounding year
I've ever been alive in, with the possible exception of 1984. Now that year was a let down. Really
thought we'd be ruled by an Orwellian state by then. 2001 also has a very sci-fi feel to it, come to think
of it, so does the whole century. Maybe we'll get those flying cars after all. And think of the VIDEO
GAMES! Well, how the hell were your hopefully happy freakin' holidays? Highlights of mine included
playing to a 500-pound transvestite (Dirtwoman as Ms. Claus) at the annual "Ham-a-ganza" festival,
getting LET GO by the cops on a drunk-driving rap, and the general spate of gluttonous consumption
and debauched behavior that traditionally accompanies our most holy of holidays. But the keg ran dry,
the drunken uncle (drunkle)ran over a goat, and I broke my ass in a puddle of frozen vomit. So it's
back to the salt mines. First the highlights--"It's Sleazy", the first GWAR movie since "Skulhed", is
still scheduled for a Feb. 6th release, though some last-minute glitches may push the project release
date back a week or two. I'm sorry! Just trying to prepare you! It's yet-another complication to a
project that for a time was the bane of my existence. BUT WAIT! HERE'S A SUPRISE AND
LATE-BREAKING NEWS FLASH! There will be no delay! It's out on the 6th! Game Over!
Now--onwards... DBX's debut record, "Diarrhea of a Madman" is out on March 20th, so be looking
for it! Then a coast-to-coast tour will follow, about a month later. Whargoul goes to the publishers this
month (yeah right), so soon (sure...) you will be able to order your very own signed copy of my
super-sick first novel! Slave Pit Studios has been busy recording a new track for label-mates Lamb of
God, and it sounds awesome. Too bad a rat died under the floor. And it must be a BIG rat cuz it's
taking FOREVER to rot. Now get ready to cry this will probably be my last update to this site
(don't blow your nose in your hand). The whole GWAR.net thing is getting a huge make-over and then
going to the Troma server, and my pages will be soon to follow. I'll keep this site up for a while and at
the very least there will be a link to the new location. But I have to re-build the pages in Dreamweaver
first, so it won't happen for a little while. I know I have been promising these projects to you for
months, so just be a little bit more patient and you shall be amply rewarded! As for this month's
update, I've tried to throw in a couple of new things and get rid of some old stuff. We'll see whether
Netscape lets me or not. Look for new stuff on the Whargoul, GWAR, and DBX pages...
Slave Pit Presidential Palace, Nov. 30th, the year 2000.
Miss me? I sure did. Well,enough about me.
Lets talk about me. Or better yet, lets listen to me talk about me. Well, were back (well actually
have been back for weeks), and it was great. It was so cool being out with Sexy and Sleazy again,
seeing all you filthy fans, and making our savage commentary on this countries ridiculous political
situation. My only regret about the whole tour (well, there are quite few but Im not willing to divulge
them quite yet, but let me just say ALWAYS DE-CLAW YOUR GERBILS) is that we didnt get to do
this amazing show for all of our loyal and wonderful fans. We couldnt get shit worked out with Canada,
and indeed lots of GWAR slave-strongholds were skipped on this tour, due to time constraints and my
distended colon. Hey, it sucks for us too! We dont get to bathe in your helpless adulation, steal your
women, or drain your town of money, drugs, and beer! But it doesnt mean we love you any less! When
GWAR hits the road again it will be a show similar in theme and character--and thats all Im gonna
say about it (except that its gonna rule)! Who knows, maybe next years Halloween gig will be in San
Francisco, like Ive dreamed of since I was but a pup. But youll have to be patient. Were looking at a
Halloween release for GWARs new album and a new coast-to-coast tour to support it--but thats not
til next year (but thats only a month away)! But does that mean were getting lazy? HELL NO! First
up, weve got Its Sleazy, out on Feb. 6th, and a DVD release with some added extra stuff soon after
that. Then the Dave Brockie Experience releases Diarrhea of a Madman March 20th, with a
coast-to-coast tour soon after that! We are continuing to do weekend stuff until then. Bear in mind
neither of these releases will initially be available in Europe, so order them direct from gwar.net.
Doesnt look like Ill have Whargoul (my sick war novel) out by X-Mas, but soon, soon...Im doing a
final re-write and a new illustration for the cover. Youll be able to order it through the Slave-Pit, and
grab a DBX t-shirt while yer at it! With the years big projects out of the way, I can finally work on
some fun stuff Ive been wanting to get to forever--first of all getting this site totally over-hauled and
on a new server with a domain name I can remember when people ask me where the fuck my site is
located. And finally well be working on the most important project of all--writing songs for the next
GWAR album! Were going to continue working on the Slave-Pit, improving the recording and office
areas--in fact wed LOVE to record YOUR band for CHEAP at GWARs personal studio--just send me
a letter (I now seem to able to read my guestbook fairly consistently--keep em coming, I appreciate
even the most incomprehensible drivel). As far as any kind of update, well theres a few things
different here and there--Im kinda tapped because Im over my 10 meg limit, and to put new stuff up I
have to take old stuff off, and I dont wanna! Yet all is joy at the Slave Pit today--the birds are not
chirping and the dog has turned gay--Derks is installing a brand-new bide--all is joy,
what-the-hey....Happy freakin holidays to every body!
Oct. 24th, Newport Music Hall, Columbus, Ohio. NEVER trust
a call girl. WHOOPS! Forget that.
Here we are at the venue on the fourth night of the GWAR "Habby-Halloween" Tour, and so far, I
must say things are going well. Strike that! Things are KICKING ASS! People are going APESHIT.
The show getting better every night--lots of great old characters like Father Bohab to anally violate.
Anally violated by none other than THE SEXECUTIONER, at the whim of SLEAZY P. MARTINI!
And the Syn vs. the Master vs. Bozo and Techno Destructo RULES. But thats not the only reason I
croon my song of glee...the "It's Sleazy" video is finally DONE! And the official release date is set for
Feb. 6th, 2001. It's rude, crude, and FUCKING DONE!!!! There will be a DVD release as well with
extra scenes and commentary. My guest book is still not working right, but I did manage to finally
read my mail, so keep em coming. Can't wait to get this site on a new server so I can fit sound and
video files. That way I can give you sneak peeks at the DBX and "It's Sleazy" projects. Update on the
"Whargoul" page--due to popular demand, I have posted Chapter Four of my yet-unpublished novel
"Whargoul". Hopefully this will keep you happy until I get the book out in it's destined form--a
fully-illustrated, glossy inset pages NOVEL, then you can read the entire story of the doomed
WHARGOUL. Can't say how much I appreciate the input and support, so I won't. But we couldn't do
any of this crazy shit without YOU!!!!! See you in the Death-Pit!!!
Sep. 29th, The Bunker, I can't believe it! Can the end
be near? Can it really be true? Can I actually do
something else with my life? Finally, the projects I have been working on all summer (and before that,
even) are drawing to a close. We're finishing up the "It's Sleazy" video once and for all, and even
though it took forever to get done I know you loyal Gwar-a-philes are going to be delighted. Nothing
would be worse than to have taken a year to do this project and then have it suck. The DBX album,
"Diarrhea of a Madman" is all done and awaits mastering. It's OUT THERE. If you go see DBX or
buy an album expecting to hear GWAR songs or see a GWAR-like show you are going to be
disappointed. DBX is it's own beast and doesn't really sound like any other band ever! And of course
that condom-eating routine is a BIG hit everytime we do it. And finally, we have just announced the
dates for our big Halloween tour, 2000, featuring the return of Sexecutioner and Sleazy P. Martini.
Dates are listed on the GWAR page. Sometimes Netscape really sucks. For some fucked-up reason I
can't access my guest-book. I've got over a 100 messages in there and I can't read 'em! Once I get
done with these projects then I'll do that big cyber-shift I've been bragging about for months. New
guest-book, counter, mpeg's and videos, who knows what else. But hell, I can't beleive how well this
site has done--sometimes I get 20 messages a day, and that's just the people who sign the book (whose
messages I can't read). Thanks for all the support in making this site rule! Can't wait to see ya guys
and dolls on the big Halloween tour. Late!
September 11th, 2000. Our counter-attack has been a complete
success. We fought our way across the
shattered neighborhoods of Wallington and Bayside, waging our relentless Love War against an
all-too-scanty opponent. Resistance crumbled, and the soul-harvest began. The goods were retrieved,
the beast-god appeased, and there was much rejoicing. Look for updates on the GWAR, Death Piggy,
and DBX pages. Thanks for all the mail--I do read it and I especially love smut.
July 25th, Der bullet-ridden and pock- marked Bunker,
surrounded by Russians NKVD
shock troops--and they don't take prisoners. Well, today was the first day of tracking
for the DBX album and it sounds great. We're working with our old buddy Adam
Green, and he's been around since Hell-o (production assistant) and Grant Rutledge of
Montana Studios, who has worked on three different albums with us. We are taking a
total DYI approach and recording in the Slave Pit, and we're not doing it just to save
money. Today's technology makes it easier than ever to do things that ten years ago
you would have had to gone into a studio to get done. Plus it's just plain
COMFORTABLE recording an album in our jam room. What better place to rock out
than in the place where you rock out all the time? This album is going to be PUNK as
FUCK and funny as shit! I say this and I mean it--this is going to be the most FUCKED
UP album ever released, PERIOD. We've got a lot of shows coming up, (check the
page), so spread the word. The GWAR Halloween tour is starting to take shape--no
confirmations yet but very soon we'll have some dates for you slavering FREAKS, and
the theme of this tour is---wait, I can't say, because it's TOP SECRET--but I'll say
this--look for the return of some old friends! The only thing that sucks is the progress
and general state of the "It's Sleazy" video--now in a perpetual holding pattern until
Hunter finishes the first edit. And before a vicious stream of hateful bile explodes out of
my face let me just change the subject. Thanks for all the guest book letters and
especially all the offers of help regarding making the site cooler and proofreading my
shit. I have a meeting next week with a cool publishing company regarding the
Whargoul novel, so keep your fingers crossed. The guest book is not viewable by my
guests for some reason, but so what, why should you be able to read my mail? So
anyway I threw a couple new things on the DBX page, maybe they'll keep you happy
until I can take the uber-cyber-shit (hopefully soon). I'm recording my farts!
July 11th, 2000, The Slave Pit--ATTENTION! The guest book
is working again so I have read all your
mail. Nothing better than reading letter after letter about how COOL you are, until of course til' you
get to the one that tells you how much you SUCK. That's OK, I do BOTH and I do both WELL. Just to
answer a few questions--yes, I do the website myself with the cheesy Netscape software. Yes, GWAR
is working on coming back to Canada as part of our Halloween tour. No, I don't know why the guest
book can't be viewed, hell, I haven't even been able to open it for a month. No Whargoul deal yet but
look for it coming out through the Slave Pit this fall. And finally, YES, I know my site should be
updated more often but I'm lucky it's up at all! I'm totally slammed by both the "It's Sleazy" video and
the Dave Brockie Experience album, and there won't be a big update until those things are done.
When the change comes it will be a big one--the whole site will move to a new server where I can do all
the twisted things I desire, like have music and video clips (and maybe a counter and a viewable
guest-book or even a chat room!) So enjoy your summer, spread the word, and be content in knowing
I'm working my ass off. When I take my next cyber-shit, it's gonna be a big one!
July 6th, 2000, Der Bunker, my gilded cage. First off,
for some weird Netscape reason I can't open the
guest book and haven't been able to for a couple of weeks. And that whole time your carefully
constructed ravings have gone un-noticed by me. Which sucks, I mean I was hoping to hook up with
some old girlfriends! But anyway, you'll be glad to know that my life is hell. The "It's Sleazy" movie is
now four-months overdue and progress continues at a maddeningly slow pace. Woe to the day when I
beleived what I was told--that editing the project ourselves, using our computers, would save us time
and money. WRONG! Even as I type this, Derks is sitting next to me at the other workstation, going
quietly MAD. Until we get this project done NOTHING else happens, no DBE album, no golfing
vacation, no Sleazy comic, no Whargoul book, no website update, no GWAR tour, no NOTHING until
this thing is finished. The one cool thing about the whole project is that for once we will have total and
complete control of our product, even at the expense of our own SANITY. So hopefully I will be done
with this project by the end of this month and finally be able to move on to some other fun stuff, like
keeping this website updated with the latest sickness and conversing with my talking hemmorhoid,
Blinky. There are a bunch of new DBE shows coming up so check out the page! The DBE project is
the one bright spot of my summer and we start work on the album just as soon as this video is done. So
please, when you are laying down in bed, or shoving a needle in your arm, or nasally-violating a rabid
wildebeest, lift a glass to your favorite group of unseen, cave-dwelling freaks, shunning sunlight,
laboring ceaselessly to finish "It's Sleazy", so the evolution of the race can continue!
May 30th, 2000, Der Bunker (with A.C.) Here it is, Wodansday,
and I feel like I just woke up.
Because we blew it out last week grand style. First off, it was all-star week at the Slave Pit. We
entertained the likes of Zamora, the Torture King, underground machine artist Kal Spelletich and
finally Anton Reemcobb himself made a brief appearance. The slaves, wretched underlings that they
are, nevertheless did all my work for me and finished the Slave Pit renovation project. The designs
came from the death-camps of Auschwitz/ Birkeanau, we anticipate the highest body count yet. Then
and of course, we had the huge GWAR-B-Que. If you couldn't figure out how to get there, then you
need to visit the whole site because the address was posted and any dumbass can find a location if they
have an address...right? If you missed it you missed the best damn party the Slave Pit has ever seen.
Thanks to all the slavering filth-bags that made it happen. Look for my special report at some point
(when I fucking feel like it). Now back to work. Basically we are going to be preparing all month for
Dragon Con. That means finishing the freakin' It's Sleazy video NOW!!!!! It's taking forever!!!!!!
Okay, I vented. We also have our wrestling exhibition in Buffalo later this month, bear in mind GWAR
is not playing a show, just posing a bunch and beating the shit out of people. And finally we have, in no
paticular order, the new GWAR graphic novel, The DBE album, and the It's Sleazy video, all of which I
am working on and all of which need to be finished in the next one-and a-half months. So I'm sorry to
say there won't be an update (except for scheduling information) for a while. But when I come back it
will be with a load of new stuff and a new server to vomit it on you. See ya at D-Con!!!
May 22nd, 2000. Back at the Atom Pad. Well, it's true.
Not one single festival tour in the U.S. or
Europe wants GWAR on the bill. Not Ozzy, or Dynamo, or Tattoo the Earth, not any of them. So quit
bitching to me about it, I tried! Only six days until the Slave Pit Party and yes, it is open to the public.
There are actually some people driving all the way down from Canada! The lengths some people will
go to for culture. I spent last weekend in L.A., catching up with old buddies and sealing the DBE deal
with Metal Blade. As usual, for the first two days I loved L.A. and was convinced I should move there,
but by the third I couldn't wait to leave. I saw Mark Wahlberg in a wig. We start work on the DBE
album next month and I'm super-psyched--and after that we'll start writing the new GWAR album. And
I'll give you a heads up that the next GWAR slab will be a return to our more brutal roots--DBE is
gonna give me all the room I need to be silly! My update for this week finds "Mild in the Streets" with
it's own page and photographs--it's a long one but worth the read. See ya Saturday, and bring your
May 10th, 2000, Der stinkin' hot bunker with no friggin'
AC. O.K., I"M NOT FAT! Trying to update
this site is more frustrating than pulling teeth out of Janet Reno's pussy. It's almost impossible to log
on, and if you do it takes forever to do anything. So we'll see how much I get done here. Updates on
the DBE and GWAR pages, but I'll tell ya right here and now we are gonna have one helluva party at
the Slave Pit on May 27th! Yes, it's open to the public--look at the GWAR page for more info. Thanks
for all the offers of proofreading stuff--I'll get back with ya next week. I ran a spellcheck on my IMF
article and it's hard to believe I ever went to college. But then again, I did go to art school. Anyway,
back to Lucifer's workshop...
May 2nd, 2000, The Bunker. Well, I guess you have noticed
that my Sunday updates are not usually
on Sundays. At least they are updates. I tried to post my IMF story before I left for Pittsburgh this
weekend, but once again the Netscape servers failed me. For some reason they won't let me add or
edit anything on my "rantings" page, so I put it here instead, without the photos which I haven't had
time to scan. And they are really great--you should see 'em. One of them was actually bought by a
news service for a hundred bux, though I doubt I'll ever get paid. Oh well, it's the thought behind the lie
that counts (for nothing!). Please forgive the errors in the text as a few (OK, a lot!) always seem to
seep through. I need a good proofreader who won't charge me for it (hint hint). Special thanks to all the
folks and freaks that came out IN FORCE to the Pittsburgh Con. It was a lot of fun hanging out with
and talking to y'all. Our fans rule! The GWAR booth and the DBE show were both big hits, and I'm
both suprised and relieved that my amp didn't explode. Work continues on the video, with DragonCon
scheduled as the big premeire. DBE is going out for a "two show tour" this weekend and I can't wait. I
love playing bass and rocking out without 50 pounds of shit hanging off me! But don't worry GWAR
fans, we'll be back in the fall. Hopefully Canada will be part of that tour as well. As far as all of you
people that want to read the rest of my book, you're gonna have to wait a little while longer--I'm still
working on the deal and if I don't get it soon I'll just do it myself. But thanks for caring! Anyway, busy
busy. Next week I PROMISE that I will do a full update on all the pages that need it, thanks a
boatload for your comments, quips, and querys. Keep 'em coming!
April 23rd, moonlighting at the Atom Pad. Greetings, thespians
and lesbians, lords and lizards! Another
week of life behind me and I'm all the older for it. Not much of an update, just some site tune-up's.
Wanted to have my IMF article up but it simply isn't done. But you'll love it when it is, so there. After
that there will be some new additions to the F-Art Gallery. Tons of shit is going on at the Slave Pit!
First off we are having a HUGE party at the Slave Pit , Sat. May 27th. Featuring the gigantic
exploding robots of San Francisco's SEEMEN. Last weeks DBE show was a fun one, especially when
my amp nearly exploded. Apparently I had a short and the current was arcing out inside the cabinet. It
sounded great. More progress on the GWAR video...we have finally mastered our machines (with a lot
of help from Buzz) and Hunter has been toiling ceaselessly editing the mass of footage we got. We're
looking forward to this weekends Pittsburgh Con, and we are also confirmed for Detroits NOVI Con
(costume appearences, not full shows). More DBE shows in May, and then work begins on the DBE
album. Casey has a new band in Texas called The Hellions. Zack is jamming with Richmonds River
City High (oh, no he's not). Derks is on vacation. Staples can hurt you. Mike Bishop's KEPONE
played their supposed last show at the Hole in the Wall the other night. Scott installed a lovely new
floor in the Slave Pit bathroom. Danielle is painting sets for Captain Kangaroo. Matt M. is working on
a cool new comic for Demonblade. Bob is finishing up his restoration of his vintage Barracuda. There
should be GWAR individual character shirts and a "It's Sleazy" comic out this year. The
GWAR/Demonblade wargame, Rumble in Antarctica, is kicking ass. It's been raining constantly and I
can't golf. The Slim-Fast diet works! Only four months until football. Bla bla bla x 8. Thanks for tuning
in and all your comments are appreciated, even the ones where you call me fat.
April 18th, 2000. The Bunker. Well, we sure didn't shut
down the I.M.F., but we had a good time
trying. Look for my full report next week. Sorry there was no update this weekend, it wasn't for lack of
trying! I have a whole new "Richmond Sucks" page, but have been having a lot of trouble getting it up.
This site is rapidly outgrowing Netscape, so stay tuned for a new address. I should have the new page
April 15th, 2000, the night before the big fight. D.C.
is being swarmed with activists, (activists? Such
things really exist?) all with one goal--SHUT DOWN THE I.M.F. CONFERENCE! It's gonna be a
HUGE act of civil disobedience and peaceful protest, our constitutional right! I'm not gonna get into
the politics any more than saying the I.M.F. and the power structure that they bankroll are responsible
for inflicting a lot more misery on the world than Saddam and all his weapons of "mass-destruction"
(which he bought from us...) could ever hope to. But I'll be the first to admit that one of the biggest
reasons I'm going is to be a part of the chaos that is sure to ensue when the protesters and the police
collide, no matter how "non-violent" a collision it is. Both sides have had time to size up the opposition
since the famous "Battle in Seattle". I'm betting the more creative of the two sides will prevail--and
that's my side. These I.M.F. fuckers need to be reminded the world is not their personal buffet table.
They don't rule my world. But in as far as that relates to my site, don't worry! For though I'll be getting
dragged away by the riot squad on my normal "update" day, I won't let that stop me from adding to my
site--I'll just do it now, on the eve of the storm. With that, this week I introduce a new feature--the
"Richmond Sucks" page. Just because it deserves it. Next week look for my report on the big
fight--was it cool or just a bunch of hippies? Meanwhile it was another busy week on the site--lots of
hits, lots of entries. I'm encouraged that people seem to be enjoying my efforts--you can help me and
indeed the entire human race by spreading this site to your sex partners. April 9th, 2000. The Bunker.
I must say I'm very satisfied with the first two weeks of the site's life. It's interesting to note that even
if I leave for Fiji, this site will live as long as Netscape does. Many of you have contributed your
comments and suggestions, and I thank you for your interest, and the many suprise C.O.D. shipments
of severed pig heads which I have recieved over the last few minutes. As a way of saying "Why?", I
have decided that Sunday shall be the official "update" day for the site. This week I proudly unveil a
new page--the F-Minus Art Gallery, hosted by the incomprable Anton Reemcobb. Next week I plan to
beef up both the Rantings and the DBE page. Spread the flaps!